Question: My ex ended the relationship two weeks ago saying he can not make me happy. I’m self-driven, he prefers to think about things for long periods of time. He told me when breaking up that he has not been happy for a long time because I keep complaining about his inaction. He also said he has done things he did not want to because I pushed him to. He was talking about a trip we took which we had planned for months. We had a good time so I was surprised when he said he pretended to be happy for me. I love this man so much and want to marry him. We talk 3 times a week and just yesterday he told me I need to stop pushing him to get back together. Right now, I’m putting in all the effort and I’m afraid that if I don’t contact him we will grow apart. Advice Please? Tnxs.
Yangki’s Answer: Stop pushing. I’m sure it’s not easy for you to do because something in your nature (anxiety, distrust or need for control) is driving your actions. You mean well but fail to see the impact on the other person.
Why do you want to stop contacting him? He asked you to stop asking to get back together not to stop contact. What you are doing is confirming to him that he was right to end the relationship and right again not to want to come back. You are not going to change.
Stop asking to get back together and focus on:
- Strengthening your emotional connection and bond
- Creating new and better/positive memories
- Showing him that you have changed
These three will help build momentum, and when you have enough momentum then you can ask to get back together.