My Ex Says It’s Over Am I In Denial?

Question: She felt unhappy in the relationship and needed to find her own happiness. A month ago I contacted her and tried to convince her that we can make it work. She now says that we’re not right for each other  and there is thing for her that is just not going away. She says she’ll miss me, but she also knows that she needs to finally listen to her own heart and more than she listens to me. She also says we can be friends but if I keep bringing up getting back together, she might end up hating me. I don’t even know if she really knows what she wants. I know that women want a man who does not give up. Am I in denial wanting her back or is there a chance that she might change her mind?

Yangki’s Answer: This is a really tough one especially because I’m a strong advocate of “do everything possible to make it work before you decide the relationship is really over.” But I fully understand and appreciate where she’s coming from. She has every right to want to be happy. I don’t think it’s selfish at all.

There are many instances when as ex changes her (or his) mind even after saying they think it’s best if each went their own way. It’s however a lot harder for someone to change her mind if deep down inside she’s convinced that you just don’t fit the bill for what she wants in a partner. And you may be right that she doesn’t know what she wants, and there may be other things going on in her life that you are not seeing or she is not allowing you to see, but she’s made it clear she knows who she doesn’t want to be with right now.

My advice is for you to listen to her and give her the space she wants. You can’t force her back into a relationship with you. And while there is some truth to women (and men) finding someone who does not easily give up appealing, that’s only if they want you not to give up. This woman obviously wants you to give up and sitting in limbo hoping she changes her mind keeps you hanging in anxiety. And the more time passes the more anxious you’ll get.

Take the hint and move on. No need to act like you don’t care or like you now hate her or cut off all contact (unless you really feel it’s the only way you can get over her and move on). May be in the future when she’s found her own happiness – and if you’re still single – something can happen. But for now take care of yourself.

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19 Comments

  • well i took her for granted i was too selfish,eventhough its been almost 18 months i havent gived up,i think i owe her that much,we get along great but she is ignoring me now something she never did before

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  • madmax…

    anything change?

    same boat as you, i dated her for close to 2 years, i did take her for granted and i was also selfish.. she said she wanted to be friends, but i ended up telling her i loved her and that i couldnt be friends because she would remind me of all the mistakes i have made and i asked her not to contact me… if she does or not i will move on, but i think of her everyday, and im depressed all the time, i find no joy in the things i used to..

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  • Just recently got back in contact with my ex. We’ve had nice chats and laughs. But something she said bothers me. She said that there will always be a place for me in her heart even if we were apart. Does this mean she has moved on?

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