My Ex Says He’s Too Busy – Is He Being Selfish?

Question: Hi, I really have learned a lot from your postings. My ex and I were been best friends and in love for 4 years. He experienced major success in his career, and it took a toll on our relationship. I think I became needy and he said he could not handle both the relationship and his job and ended it. I was hurt and did not contact him for 3 weeks. In the meantime he contacted me and eventually I replied. I asked him if we could try the relationship again but he said he did not think it would work because his job was still very demanding. But he said he does not rule out that we will get back together and to give him a little more time to complete his project. I feel hurt that he doesn’t know how he feels about me anymore, and I feel that he is acting really selfishly. I’m afraid if we maintain contact, it will take longer for us to get back together. What do you think? Thanks for your help.

Yangki’s Answer: I can’t tell you whether to maintain contact with him or not. That’s a decision only you can make. But I don’t think he’s necessarily being selfish. He knows what his priorities are and being ambitious is not a bad thing.

You may be having a hard time accepting that things have changed and right now you are not his priority, and that’s understandable. But he is at least not ruling out the possibility of the two of you getting back together and has given you some indication of how much time he needs. That in my opinion is encouraging. It says you have a real good chance, but only if you don’t try to force things to happen sooner than he is ready for or make decisions that create more emotional distance between the two of you.

The ball is in your court. How you play it will make all the difference.

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