Question: My ex’s signals are pretty mixed. He’s going through a rough time, his company is reorganizing and he’s not sure if he’ll keep his job. He told me a relationship is the last thing on his mind right now. Should I give him space and reconnect later when he is less stressed?
Yangki’s Answer: You can certainly do that. The bigger question is: What does it say about you when you run away because he’s going through a rough time, and can’t give you what you want when you want?
If you were going through a rough patch in your life who would you remember or appreciate when you come out on the other side? Someone who “gave you space” or one who was there for you when you needed them for support or just to listen? Most people will say the person who was there for them.
If he hasn’t asked you to give him space, what makes you think that’s what he wants? (Related articles: Understanding Your Avoidant Ex)
Besides, there is no guarantee that when you try to reconnect later that he’ll want you back in his life. I have seen so many situations like this where an ex is going through a rough time, and someone from the past or even a new person helps them through and in the process a strong bond is formed.
Wouldn’t it make sense to be that person who’s there for him without pushing for a relationship which he has told you is not in him mind right now?
What if he ends up keeping his job and once again starts thinking of having a relationship, and you are nowhere to be found?
I am not saying don’t “give him space” if that’s what you want to do. I am saying don’t look for what’s easy. There is a reason why marriage vows include ” for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health…” Going through his or her “rough time” together makes for a stronger relationship. It makes you more emotionally attractive because it says you can put your feelings, wants and needs aside to help someone else. That’s so rare in these days!