My Avoidant Ex Moved On During No Contact – Or Did He?

Question: I was with an avoidant who I think is a fearful avoidant for over a year. He broke things off because they “could not handle the stress” of the being in a relationship and asked to be friends. We tried being friends for a month but every time I asked to meet he avoided it. I told him I could not be his friend if we didn’t hang out and asked for no contact. He reached out a couple of times, once to apologize for being a “s****y friend. I told him if he wanted to be my friend, we should be able to hang out. I never heard from him again.

I recently found out he’s dating someone new. They’ve been together for less than a month. I told your Will Your Avoidant Ex’s Rebound Relationship Fail quiz and the results were “Not serious”. You said it was likely a transitional relationship. I have been told by people close to him that their relationship is not the same as between he and I. He seems more subdued and not as excited as someone in a new relationship. My question is, does this mean it’s a rebound even if we haven’t had contact for over 7 months? If it is, why did he reach out and apologize, was this regret for the breakup? And should I reach out? It’s been 7 months of no contact.

Yangki’s answer: I will answer each of your questions separately but to point out something very important about avoidants who end a relationship dues to stress.

Avoidants who end a relationship because of stress often hope that the separation is temporary or thngs can improve. This is probably why he asked to be friends. They’re not ending the relationship because they lost feelings but because they are overwhelmed and see ending the relationship as a way to cope.

1. Why did he reach out and apologize, was this regret for the breakup?

It’s possible that it he was regretting the breakup, but more likely that he was only apologizing for not being able to do even being friends. He couldn’t do the relationship, asked to be friends and couldn’t do that either. He may have some shame around it, which could also explain his “seems more subdued and not as excited as someone in a new relationship.” Even if he’s happy in the new relationship, there may be fear that he will do the same thing to her as he did to you.

2. Is it a rebound even if you haven’t had contact for over 7 months?

Yes, but not always. If he truly moved on during those 7 months of no contact, then the new relationship likely isn’t a rebound. He may have used that time to heal, focus on himself, or simply enjoy being single, and only started dating again once he felt emotionally ready.

However, if he didn’t move on and instead spent those months ruminating, suppressing feelings, or regretting the breakup, then the new relationship can still function as a rebound even after 7 months of no contact.

What matters isn’t the length of no contact; it’s what happened internally during that time.

I also want to point out that the results of the quiz depend on your answers. Your results may have shown “that it’s a transitional relationship” because the situation doesn’t fully fit a clear rebound.

A transitional relationship often fits in the middle. It’s not purely about avoiding pain but it’s also not about being fully emotional ready for a new relationship.

3. Should you reach out after 7 months of no contact?

It depends on why you want to reach out and what you’re hoping will happen.

Reaching out after 7 months of no contact makes sense if:

• You just want to be sure there’s nothing there anymore so you can move on.
• You can accept any response including no reply or a neutral one

But if you are reaching out hoping that the 7 months of no contact means he’s missed you and will be happy that you reached out, you might want to rethink reaching out.

Despite what you might have read or watched about no contact, it does not guarantee longing, reflection, or readiness. Sometimes it actually allows emotional distance to solidify, especially for avoidant who tend to experience relief after a breakup.

What I am saying is: Reaching out from a place of hope isn’t wrong, but can also set you back in your healing. The question isn’t whether he’ll respond, it’s whether you can regulate yourself if he doesn’t respond or if his response doesn’t match what you hoped for.

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Will Your Avoidant Ex’s Rebound Relationship Fail? [QUIZ]

‘I Don’t Want a Relationship’: Do Avoidants Ever Come Back?