Low Chances Getting Back Together And What To Look For

You may one of those people wondering why your ex can’t decide if they want you back or finding it hard to decide if you should take back an ex or not.

The decision to get back together with an ex should not be taken lightly. Your ex needs time to think and decide if they want to come back, and you need time to think and decide if you want them back, You may still love each other very much but as you may have found out, love is not always enough reason to get back together. The relationship has to work for love to flourish and be fulfilling.

Sometimes it’s clear from before the breakup that the relationship is so fundamentally damaged that there is no chance of getting back together and the best thing to do is heal, grow from the experience and move on. Most of the time however, a breakup is an opportunity to step back from the relationship, look at it from an outsider’s eyes and decide if the relationship is worth giving another chance, and if so what needs to be done to make it work.

Here I share with you some of the fundamentals I look for when advising my clients on their chances of getting back together and the things that may be keeping an ex from making a decision about whether or not to come back. My goal is not to discourage you from trying to get your ex back but to 1) completely re-think what your chances are 2) understand why it may be taking your ex too long to made a decision to come back or why they are resistant to coming back and 3) see what you can do it improve your chances of getting back together.

1. Chances of getting back together: VERY GOOD.

• You have a favourable view of each other and share deep respect and affection. Even broken up, you still support each other and want what’s best for the other.
• You share a deep emotional bond developed over time. The relationship has ended but the deep level of understanding, respect, trust and affection is still very strong.

2. Chances of getting back together: GOOD (but needs lots of work).

• You have strong attraction and mutual respect for each other but communication is very limited due to differences in attachment and communication styles and/or distance, schedules, responsibilities etc .
• You have deep affection for each which became codependent with little room for your own identities. You are in contact but there is always the fear (on both sides) that things could go back to how they were before the breakup.

3. Chances of getting back together: NEUTRAL (things could go either way).

• You still like each other and talk often but your views on the relationship and/or break-up contradict each other, and you are both convinced you are right. One (or both) of you had a negative view of the other doesn’t trust the other’s intentions.
• You can’t stay away from each other, but when you are together (or in contact), you argue and say mean and hurtful things to each other.
• You are both attracted to each other, but one of you is more into the other and as a result, things are moving/moved faster than the other wanted.

4. Chances of getting back together: NOT GOOD (something major has to change).

• You have strong attraction to each other but it’s based on mind games and struggle for more power in the relationship. Contact is stressful and sporadic.
• You rarely communicate or see each other, but when you communicate or see each other, it’s obvious that the anger and hostility is still raw and strong.
• You have no contact at all. Where there had been love, affection and friendship is indifference and apathy.
• You met online but have never physically met.

5. Chances of getting back together: NOT A GOOD IDEA.

• You feel resentment, wish harm upon each other and take pleasure in each other’s misery.
• The relationship was emotionally and physically abusive.
• One of you has an unhealthy focus on the other and may or may not include stalking.

If you look at this and don’t feel that your chances are not good but still strongly feel that you want your ex back, invest your time and energy on what needs to be done to make the relationship work. Like I said, you may still love each other, but if the relationship isn’t working, love alone is not enough.

If you strongly feel that your relationship needs a more in-depth look at, I am happy to discuss the unique details of your relationship and/or your chances of getting back together one-on-one.

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