Question: My ex broke up with me because she’s just overwhelmed with the stressors in her life right now. We were together 2 years long distance but would be reunited soon because I’m moving back home to the state she is in after my residency. I tried to talk to her over the phone but she said she didn’t want to talk about it anymore but also said she really wanted this relationship to work but can’t right now. I asked if talking face to face would change her mind but she insisted she does not want me to fly over to her, said she’d would not see me.
I’ve never connected with another person as much as I have with her and want her back so bad. My question is, should I fly over to meet her one last time?
Yangki’s Answer: You could, but in my experience, flying or driving over to meet an ex, especially one that has told you not to doesn’t work 9 out of 10 of the time.
She’s told you she does not want you to fly over, if you do, she’ll take it as you disrespecting her wishes/request. Some exes have behaved very mean and others just act passive. Very rarely have I heard a case where the ex was happy about the decision to drive or fly over to try and reverse their decision to break-up.
If she’s open to talking via text or phone calls, use that to keep the lines of communication open, then after you finish your residency and are back to her state, you can try to actively get her back.
The real good thing going for you is that the break-up is due to stress in her life and not problems with the relationship. Most stressors are temporary, things could change in the next few weeks or months.
Keeping the lines of communication open helps you monitor the situation and also support her through whatever it is she’s going through. Most people appreciate it when we are there for them in the good and bad times — and don’t forget (or forgive) us when we abandon them when they need us the most.
If you handle this well, it could actually work to your advantage; buy you time to finish you residency, move back home and work on the relationship without the challenges of long distance relationships.