Question: I haven’t seen my ex since our long distance break-up over the phone and wondering if I should go see her. Called me up a month ago and said she’s just can’t be in a relationship. She was going through a lot with terminally father and financial related issues she has to deal with.
We were together 2 years long distance but will be reunited soon. I’m moving back home to the state she is in after my residency. I tried to talk to her about us over the phone but she said she didn’t want to talk. She says she wants us to get back together but can’t right now. I asked if talking face to face would change her mind but she insisted she does not want me to fly over to her, said she’d would not see me.
I’ve never connected with another person as much as I have with her and want her back so bad. What’s your expert advice?
Yangki’s Answer: If an ex says they don’t want to see you, long distance break-up or not; going against their wishes doesn’t work 9 out of 10 of the time.
If your ex had said she is okay with you going to see her, I’d have said go. But she told you she does not want you to fly over, if you do; she’ll take it as you disrespecting her wishes/request. Some exes have behaved very mean and others just act passive after they say they don’t want to meet or see you and you drove or flew anyways because you want to talk about the break-up; or getting back together.
If she’s open to talking via text or phone calls, use that to keep the lines of communication open. When you finish your residency and are back to her state; you can try to meet and even actively get her back.
The real good thing going for you is that the break-up is due to stress in her life and not problems with the relationship. Most stressors are temporary, things could change in the next few weeks or months.
Keeping the lines of communication open helps you monitor the situation and also support her through whatever it is she’s going through. Most people appreciate it when we are there for them in the good and bad times — and don’t forget (or forgive) us when we abandon them when they need us the most.
If you handle this well, it could actually work to your advantage; buy you time to finish you residency, move back home and work on the relationship without the challenges of long distance relationships.