Question: My ex recently contacted me after 3 months of NC. We exchanged a few texts mostly catching up on what each of us had been up to. I asked her directly if she was seeing someone and she said she is in a relationship. The had been together for almost 2 months but were having problems. She told me that he is not me and that she still loves me and misses me. I asked if I can call her and spoke on the phone for about 45 minutes. I told her I still love her and miss her too, but I don’t trust her. She cried and I started to cry too. A brief history of our relationship. She was in a 7-year relationship when I met her at a mutual friend’s party. There was instant chemistry, but she told me she had a boyfriend. I asked for her number anyway and she gave it to me. We exchanged text messages for almost a month before we decided to meet. We had sex 2 times and her then boyfriend found out by looking in her phone and broke up with her. We started a relationship which lasted 18 months. She ended it because she said we were like an old couple. There was no more excitement in the relationship and although she loved me, she needed to feel in love with me. She wanted to be friends, but I told her I did not want to be her friend, I needed to heal and did not want contact. She said she understood and that was the last time we had contact until she contacted me 2 days ago. I still love her, but it worries me that she rebounds so fast and has never been single since she was 18, she’s 32 now. Do you see any hope for us?
Yangki’s Answer: You are right to be worried given how you met and that she had just broken up with her ex when you started a relationship. When a relationship starts with someone cheating there will always be that worry that history will repeat itself, and unfortunately, it often does.
In this case however, she did not cheat, she broke up with you before she started a new relationship. Any maybe it’s true that you had fallen into a routine and become like an old couple so fast. The question here is what you do now. You obviously still love each other and based on your question you want to try things again.
Is there hope? Yes. There are indicators that suggest that there is hope.
1. You both still love each other. It’s not a guarantee that because you still love each other you’ll get back together, but it’s an advantage in that you have a foundation to build on.
2. The other relationship is in trouble which means her one foot is probably already out of the of door.
That said, I am always suspicious of exes who make contact after months of no contact, and even more suspicious of one who contacts you when the relationship she’s in is in trouble. There is also the fact that she cheated on her boyfriend and has never been single, and probably is scared of not being in a relationship. These are all strong red flags. I am sure you already know this that’s why you don’t trust her.
The more important question you should be asking yourself is: Has anything changed?
If you decide to give yourselves another chance, don’t get into a relationship right away. Suggest to her that you date first to give her the experience of being single and not in a relationship. Tell her it’s important to the success of your relationship that you don’t rush into a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship.
If she rejects the idea or tries to rush you into a relationship (which she’s most likely to do), you might want to rethink the decision to get back together. The probability of her repeating the only pattern she’s known is very, very high.