1. Knowing that your ex is a maximiser (and that he/she is not just leading you on) is the first step to dealing with his/her mixed signals.
The next step is exercising a little more patient and showing some understanding.
Your ex is not going to one day just snap out of it. If this is the person you hope to spend the rest of your life with, this is what you may be dealing with for the rest of your life, or at least until they seek help and “snap” out of it.
2. Since it’s the decision making process more than the actual final decision (that will come later) that your is so conflicted about, it might help if instead of trying to get him/her to “get back together”, you break down the process into smaller steps/commitments that are realistic and achievable.
You’ve got to be really creative here, or less you’ll end up with more decisions that your ex agonizes over.
3. If you are good friends who can talk just about everything without the other talking it the “wrong way”, encourage your ex to get professional help (not me, I am just a relationship coach…:)). Sometimes couples therapy can help.
4. Show understanding and support him/her, but decide where your limits lie.
Truth is, your ex could go on in this state of indecisiveness indefinitely. That’s why you need to be assertive, draw the line, compassionately communicate how long you are willing to wait for him/her to make a decision, and let the chips fall where they may.
Unconditional love all that sounds great, but you need to take care of you too. You can’t be “loving” when you don’t have any love left for yourself. If it means walking away, then walk away knowing there wasn’t anything more that you could do. It is what it is.
Bottom line, being a maximiser doesn’t mean that a person can’t decide at all. He/she is just more obsessed with what is involved in making a decision than what the final decision is.
If you are a maximiser, you need to keep in mind that while it’s important to take as much time as possible making an important decision such as getting back together, and while it’s absolutely very important that you carefully consider if getting back together is the right decision, taking too much time to decide can allow for other unwanted things to happen… like your ex getting involved with someone else.
Uh-Oh! Here we go! Now you are going to start worrying about your ex getting involved with someone else. Seriously, get help.
Related articles: Anxious Attacher -Avoidant Ex Dynamic).