Are you sure it’s not the other way round… If …

Comment on Is Your Ego Getting In The Way Of Getting Back Your Ex? by Yangki Christine Akiteng, Love Doctor.

Are you sure it’s not the other way round… If you love WITH fear then you’re not loving with all your heart.

There many ancient teachings and even current schools of thought that say that love and fear are the only true wholesome emotions and all other emotions are just sub-emotions of these two. Moreover these wholesome emotions are the exact opposite of the other — and can not co-exist. One drives the other way!

I think that if you love with fear, you deprive yourself of the whole experience of love because you’re holding back part of yourself.

Yangki Christine Akiteng, Love Doctor Also Commented

Is Your Ego Getting In The Way Of Getting Back Your Ex?
I’m saddened reading your story. No one should have to feel this way. Yes, there are people like you everywhere, more than you can possibly imagine. I know that’s no comfort, but just know you’re not alone and nothing is so wrong with you despite everything your abusers might have told you.

Your challenges need professional support, beyond what a relationship coach is trained/mandated to provide. Reading self-help books is good, but I personally believe you’d do much better working with someone who can provide you with specialized/individually tailored help. A good therapist/counsellor may be able to help you work through the childhood issues preventing you from experiencing the love you seek — and need.

Without meaning to pile on someone who has been beat down so many times already, I personally believe that any change to your experiences begins and ends with YOU. Yes, you may have had a crappy childhood which you are not personally responsible for, but you are 100% responsible for how you allow or not allow this experience to define and control your life. Most people in this situation, act as if they are helpless to change anything — and most times they are — not because they can’t change things but because it’s easier to blame someone, something outside oneself than to face the responsibility for change.

It all starts with learning response- ability! Once you own this, it’s yours to change (and change you will). But as long as you still make it someone else’s, they own it and they own you.

I wish I could’ve been of more help but I’m just a relationship coach.

Recent Comments by Yangki Christine Akiteng, Love Doctor

Love Is Not Supposed to Hurt – But Why Are You Hurting?
Leave him for good and move on with your life or try to make things work out with him is a decision only you can make. I don’t believe in making decisions for others that they should be making for themselves. As a coach, I can only help you with whatever decision you make or whatever side you’re already leaning towards. Making decisions for you isn’t empowering you to OWN your life — and relationship (be responsible!).

When Do You Stop Trying To Get Back Your Ex?
If it makes you feel good to have “closure” contact him and tell him you’ll not be bothering him again. But that’s all what contacting him will do, give you “closure” (hopefully!).

Waiting for him to contact you is unrealistic. They say the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour… he didn’t contact you for 2 months and when you contacted him he didn’t seem interested and hasn’t responded to any of your 3 contacts, what makes you think he’ll contact you?

My suggestion is that you let this go… meaning you stop actively trying to get him back and focus your attention elsewhere. You can try again later if you are still up to it, but for now more contact is useless.

Should I Reach Out Or Wait For My Ex to Initiate A Text?
It might explain why some women seem to all be sharing or recycling the same men.

Should I Reach Out Or Wait For My Ex to Initiate A Text?
There’s that school of thought and I respect your position. However, I’m not saying women HAVE to approach men. Some women like you obviously have a problem with it, and that’s OK.

I think that if a woman wants to take the initiative and own the power to choose who she dates instead of complaining about men not approaching her, or about meeting only losers (who approach her), why try to take that from her with statements like “unless she’s desperate?”

We all should do what we have to do and let others do what they want to do. Makes life easier for everybody… (:

So Why Is My Ex Texting Me Now?
My advice… Grow up and stop playing mind games.

Engaging and pulling away — as in no contact then contact, then pulling away, then contact, then not returning calls etc — is destructive for any relationship.

One of you has to step up and be the adult, if not, it’s going to be like this until the feeling of love and liking is completely gone — for good!

More from Love Doctor Yangki Akiteng
Fundamentally Flawed Relationship – No Chance?
Many people who want their ex back know without a doubt that...
Read More