Question: Yangki, tell me what you think. Is it better to send my ex a text “There is something I have to tell you” (I want her mind to be racing with possibilities and also because it’s human nature to fear the worst, she will ask “what?” and start a conversation) or do you think it’s better to send “I just watched the latest episode of a (TV show). It made me think of you. Do you remember how we used to watch that every Sunday?”
Yangki’s Answer: First of all, “There is something I have to tell you” text is one of the dumbest advice I’ve ever read. It’s so obvious that you are trying to play a mind game, and not a very smart one either. It’s like one of those lame Pick-Up Artist moves that has “loser” all over it.
Secondly, if works at all, it’ll be with some teen or tween but even then, it’ll only work with those that do not have much going in their lives and the highlight of their day is someone telling them “there is something I have to tell you”.
It may also work on overly needy men or women waiting for any crumbs of a resemblance of love or attention thrown their way.
It’ll not work with most grown adult men or women with a job to go to, employees/customers to manage, bills to play, child/ren to take care of and a life to live.
Their first natural reaction to reading “There is something I have to tell you” will be, “why not just say it? Dammit!”
Most exes will simply ignore your text, and if they respond, it won’t be a “what?” that will start a conversation, but one that will end any.
Most of us grown busy people don’t have the time to sit around speculating on what it is you want to tell us. If you have something to say, then say it.
You have to remember, it’s you who wants a conversation. Telling someone “if you reply, then I’ll tell you what I am dying to tell you” shows just how desperate you are for a conversation. Desperation is not attractive.
“I just watched the latest episode of a (TV show). It made me think of you. Do you remember how we used to watch that every Sunday?”
Talking about a TV show is fine, but when you add “It made me think of you. Do you remember how we used to watch that every Sunday?“, it crosses over to needy, trying too hard and in some cases too much too soon.
This is important especially in the initial stages when you are trying to put the past relationship behind in order to create a new and improved one.
Your intention may be to resurrect only “positive” emotions but the thing about emotions is that you can’t pick and choose which emotions show up. For example if something negative was said or happened that has an emotional link to the show or to a particular Sunday, the “unwanted” emotions will show up too.
If you want talk about a TV show, then talk about the TV show.
Make an emotional connection by talking about her FEELINGS about the show (what she liked about it, plot, characters she’s emotionally “attached to, what’s new/different from the last episode etc) without making it about your feelings for her (which based on your question, I don’t think she wants to hear about anyway).
For example:
- (what she liked about the show) “I just watched the latest episode of a (TV show). The dog that no one wanted has finally been adopted. There was no dry eye in the dog shelter”.
- (characters she’s emotionally “attached to) “I just watched the latest episode of a (TV show). If you haven’t watched it, you should. Ezra and Arya are back together, and Spencer…”
- (what’s new/different from the last episode) “I just watched the latest episode of a (TV show). They’ve completely changed the plot. Now…”
You still achieve the same thing (send a message that you’re thinking of your ex), without it looking like you want/need something (attention, time, love etc) from her.
It’s the perception and/or feeling that someone needs from us more than we can give or want to give (at that particular moment) that creates pressure and the feeling that one is “needy”.
