Question: Is my ex scared to get back together or not ready to come back? She has told me that sometimes she thinks about whether or not getting back together is a good idea.
I don’t want to give up on us. We broke up for the 4th time a month ago. Her main problem was that I did not have a steady job and hang out with my buddies; and drink a lot. I’ve since found a steady job that pays well, I have a new apartment. I also don’t go out that much anymore. Thanks to your eBook, we stayed friends after we broke up and see each other socially quite often. She’s very friendly and flirty with me. She has also told me she sees how I have changed and is proud of me. But she doesn’t think her heart can take any more breaking. I told her I did not want to give up on us, I want her back in my life. What can I do to make her want to get back together?
Yangki’s Answer: Your ex is definitely scared to get back together. This is your 4th breakup; and may not want to go through another break-up. But I don’t think you should give up either. You have made so many changes that give the relationship a better chance this time around.
Your ex maybe scared to get back together; but the fact that you stayed friends and continue to see each other says you have a very strong connection. The love part and the liking part are still very intact (she’s even proud of the changes you’ve made). It’s staying together that’s the problem.
See if you can get her to agree to “test drive” the new relationship for a few weeks or months. The book explains how to ask in ways that she’s most likely to agree. It also gives you some guidelines on how long the trial period should be; and how to minimize risks associated with “trial periods”.
Make sure the trial period gives her a good idea of what it’d be like if you got back together. If there are other “issues” other than the job and hanging out with your buddies; make sure you know what they are and have real sound solutions for handling things differently. Show her how you act and react to “problem” areas.
She has to see right from the beginning that not only do you get it; but that the relationship is going to work this time. If she can’t see how it can work, the “test drive” will fail; and with it any chance of getting her back that you might have had.
Test driving the new relationship first is the best solution for a situation when you tried to make things work many times; and your ex has pretty much lost all hope.