Question: It’s been at least 8 months since the breakup. We have contacts, sometimes he seems happy and other times he just ignores me. He used to initiate contact, but he stopped (i have no idea why). I’m at a loss and I resent him now for putting me through this. Could it be that he is punishing me for something? What should I do? is it too late?
Yangki’s Answer: Stringing you along maybe, punishing you I doubt it. Unless one is some kind of sadist, 8 months is a very long time to be “punishing” someone.
Whether or not it’s too late depends on why he’s acting that way. It’s possible that:
- So much irreversible damage has been done.
- He’s simply not interested in getting back with you and does not want to give you false hope.
- There is someone else.
- He still has feelings for you but has doubts about getting back together (doesn’t think things will be any different).
- There is something that you are doing that he doesn’t like.
There is nothing you can do about 1, 2 and 3. But if you still want to keep trying, I suggest that:
- Start showing him that you have changed and as a result he can expect a better relationship. I suspect you do not see much of each other for you to show change, but you can do this through texts or emails or phones calls.
- Change your approach. Do things differently from what you have been doing and see if he shows more interest. It may just be that you are not consistent in triggering the emotions that make him want to be with you. And if you are holding resentment towards him, it’s possible he’s sensing it and reacting to your resentment.