Question: I feel so confused about how I feel about my ex, and need your help figuring out if this is normal or a sign that I should move on.
My ex broke up with me 5 months ago. I asked for no contact and have been working on myself. He reached out to me on my birthday and also to ask how my dad is; he and my dad were close. I haven’t responded, but he continues to contact me asking about different things in my life. I feel confused because some days I feel that I still love him and want him back; and some days I feel that it’s best to move on. We broke up was because I was more stable in my career and sure about what I want; and he was not. He felt that he was holding me back. Is it normal to feel confused about how I feel about my ex and what I want?
Yangki’s Answer: Yes. It’s normal to feel confused about your ex. It’s more normal than to feel confused after a breakup; and to feel confused about wanting your ex back.
A break-up triggers all kinds of intense emotions that’s why it hurts so much; whether you are the dumper or the dumpee. The emotional roller-coaster is different for everyone. Some people who may have originally wanted their ex back may find that they don’t want their her ex back. The ones that had decided that it’s best to move on may find that they still have strong feelings for their ex, and try to get back together.
If the break-up inspires rapid personal growth, you may feel like a different person and what you wanted then is not what you want now. Even if both of you take to doing your personal work, there is no guarantee that you will grow in the same direction (towards each), especially if you are not talking to each other. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with either of you, it just means you are in different places in your lives.
Since you seem unsure as to what you want right now, my advice is to take your time and not make a decision until you are sure about what you want and feel.
If you feel up to it, respond and see what happens. You may find that he’s done his own personal work, found his career footing; and feels more confident now that he was before. You may also find that the two of you are a better fit now than you were before; or you might find that he’s not changed at all. Either way, you will be sure if you still want him back or not.
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