Question: Is it normal to break up multiple times? How many break ups are too many? My ex and I have had multiple break ups, 4 in 2 years.
She broke up with me 3 times but I initiated the last breakup. We’re on talking terms and it’s obvious we’re both still in love with each other. But while I still love and care for her very much, I’m hesitant about getting back with her if I could. We’ve both hurt each other directly and indirectly and I feel that if we get back together nothing will be different. I don’t know if I feel this way because I’m still hurting or because I’m finally being reasonable and seeing this relationship for what it is. I’m really confused.
Yangki’s Answer: It is normal to break up multiple times. There is no set number of times two people can break-up and get back together. However, every time you break up, it gets harder and harder to get back together.
Given that you’ve broke up 4 times, you are right to question whether or not you want to give yourselves another chance. You could be finally seeing this relationship for what it is; but it’s also possible that you are still feeling hurt or both.
If you can’t see how anything will be different if you get back together, it means you’ll break-up again. That said, it’s difficult t see clearly how things will be different when you’re still hurting.
I suggest that you do not make a rush decision either direction. Wait a few more weeks while you work on healing, and if you still feel the same way, then maybe it’s time to end the on an off for good.
Stay in contact so that you can monitor how you truly feel against reality. You want to be sure you are not exaggerating or minimizing your emotions and how you fee.
It’ll also help to write the reasons for and against getting back together. This will help you be clear if the reasons for your repeated breaking up are things that can be worked out, or things that just won’t be resolved however much you or both of you change, and however hard you try to make the relationship work. It is very important that with this exercise that you be as honest with yourself as possible.
