Question: I have two questions. My ex asked me not to contact him anymore, is it ‘no contact’ if my ex asked me not to contact them? My second question is, should I contact my ex even if he asked me not to?
It hurts too much to want to be in contact with your ex when he doesn’t want to be in contact with you. My ex asked not to contact him and wants total no contact for a couple of months. I read your articles about no contact, and honestly it is not something I want to do. At the same time he has asked me not to contact him. Should I respect his wish and not contact him? Do you think he will miss me when we’re not in contact? Of course I want him to miss me, I miss him, but I also fer that in a couple of months, he will be over me.
Yangki’s Answer: Is it ‘no contact’ if your ex asks you not to contact them? No. Technically you are not doing no contact if your ex is the one asking for no contact. No contact is when you are the one that initiates it.
In your case, you are not initiating or ‘choosing” not to contact him. He asked you not to contact him, you have no choice but to respect his wish.
If he hadn’t said a “couple of months”, I would have advised you to reach out sooner than later. But because he said a “couple of months”, wait for him to contact you after a couple of months. If in a couple of months he has not contacted you, you can then reach out.
All exes miss you at some point. They may not want you back but they will from time to time think of you, and miss what you had. That said, I don’t think you should spend the next couple of months wondering if your ex misses you.
Part of “respecting other people’s wishes”, is being able to let go the need for a specific outcome. He may miss you but choose not to contact you; or he may miss you and contact you in a couple of days, weeks or months. It;s also possible that he may not miss you and never contact you.
Keep all options open with no attachment to one specific outcome. Work on you and when he contacts you, you’re changed for the better.
You may even find that in a couple of months, you have moved on and no longer want contact; or want to be just friends. Like I said, keep all options open.