Is It ‘No Contact’ If My Ex Asked Me Not To Contact Them?

Question: I have two questions. My ex asked me not to contact him anymore, is it ‘no contact’ if my ex asked me not to contact them? My second question is, should I contact my ex even if he asked me not to?

It hurts too much to want to be in contact with your ex when he doesn’t want to be in contact with you. My ex asked not to contact him and wants total no contact for a couple of months. I read your articles about no contact, and honestly it is not something I want to do. At the same time he has asked me not to contact him. Should I respect his wish and not contact him? Do you think he will miss me when we’re not in contact? Of course I want him to miss me, I miss him, but I also fer that in a couple of months, he will be over me.

Yangki’s Answer: Is it ‘no contact’ if your ex asks you not to contact them? No. Technically you are not doing no contact if your ex is the one asking for no contact. No contact is when you are the one that initiates it.

In your case, you are not initiating or ‘choosing” not to contact him. He asked you not to contact him, you have no choice but to respect his wish.

If he hadn’t said a “couple of months”, I would have advised you to reach out sooner than later. But because he said a “couple of months”, wait for him to contact you after a couple of months. If in a couple of months he has not contacted you, you can then reach out.

All exes miss you at some point. They may not want you back but they will from time to time think of you, and miss what you had. That said, I don’t think you should spend the next couple of months wondering if your ex misses you.

Part of “respecting other people’s wishes”, is being able to let go the need for a specific outcome. He may miss you but choose not to contact you; or he may miss you and contact you in a couple of days, weeks or months. It;s also possible that he may not miss you and never contact you.

Keep all options open with no attachment to one specific outcome. Work on you and when he contacts you, you’re changed for the better.

You may even find that in a couple of months, you have moved on and no longer want contact; or want to be just friends. Like I said, keep all options open.

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  1. says: Lei

    OMG! This site has opened my mind like wide open. My ex is an avoidant and now it all makes sense. I am so excited to be implementing what I have learned and already see a change in my ex’s attitude. Thank you so much, Yangki.

  2. says: Alice

    How do you respond to someone using such tactic on you? I am hurt and also very angry with this sort strategy applied on me to break me by the person I love. I miss him I want to go to him but I am angry at his behaviour including this no contact tactic. What I should do? leave it and wait or leave it , it is over

  3. says: Tessa

    Thank you Yangki for your quick response. I have been reading your articles and realize that I drove him to NC because I could not accept the breakup. You also mentioned that it takes two to create a relationship and two to destroy it, I have been blaming my ex for not giving me what I want but after spending time on your site, I can see how my behavior made him pull away and become more distant. I bought your It’s Just A Break-Up book to work on me. I can’t expect a better relationship if I am not better. Wish me luck!

  4. says: Martha

    Relationships end for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes both people come to a decision together, and sometimes it is for the best. My ex said he was never in love with me and that’s why he was unhappy and distant, but stayed with me because I made him a better and more caring person. It hurts so much but it is much better than the alternative, being with someone who does not love you.

    1. I hear your pain… but you are right, it’s much better than the alternative.

      Anyone who makes others want to be more caring (in my book) is a special kind of person. I know it’s not much comfort, but may be that’s what this relationship was about. You were only there in his life to facilitate his growth into a better person. The person for you is waiting for you… and it’s only a matter of time.

  5. says: Essie

    I did no contact for 10 weeks to get back my ex, which I did for 3 weeks! She left again and but reading through the articles, I realize that my intentions for using no contact were not good. I still love her and want her back, but I don’t know what else to do.