Is It ‘No Contact’ If My Ex Asked Me Not To Contact Them?

Question: Yangki, it hurts too much to want to be in contact with your ex when he doesn’t want to be in contact with you. My ex asked not to contact him and wants total no contact for a couple of months. I want to respect his wish and NC is the right choice for me. I sent him a text telling him I respect his wish and will not attempt to contact him anymore. Do you think after a couple months he’ll miss me?

Yangki’s Answer: Technically you are not doing NC if the other person is the one asking for no contact.

No contact is when you are the one that initiates it.

In your case, you are not initiating or ‘choosing” not to contact him. He asked you not to contact him, and like you rightly said, you have no choice but to respect his wish.

If he hadn’t said a “couple of months”, I would have advised you to reach out sooner than later (but be very smart about it by taking note of his attachment style), but because he said a “couple of months” wait for him to contact you after a couple of months. If in a couple of months he has not contacted you, you can then reach out.

I don’t know if he will miss you or not. If you are using NC hoping that it is going to make him miss you, just keep in mind that it could go either way.

But if the intention here is to respect his wish (which is the right thing to do), then you should not worry about whether or not he’ll miss you. Part of “respecting other people’s wishes”, is being able to let go the need for a specific outcome:

  • He may miss you but choose not to contact you.
  • He may miss you and contact you in a couple of days, weeks or months.
  • He may not miss you and never contact you.

Keep all options open with no attachment to one specific outcome. Work on you and when he contacts you, you’re changed for the better.

You may even find that in a couple of months, you have moved on and no longer want contact or want to be just friends. Like I said, keep all options open.

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  1. says: Lei

    OMG! This site has opened my mind like wide open. My ex is an avoidant and now it all makes sense. I am so excited to be implementing what I have learned and already see a change in my ex’s attitude. Thank you so much, Yangki.