Can I Still Get My Ex Back If the Rebound Has Lasted 8 Months?

Question: My ex is with a new guy but says she still loves me

My ex is in an 8-month relationship with a guy she started seeing only 3 weeks after we broke up. She still responds to my texts and we have met a couple of times. Every time I ask her if she still loves me she says her feelings have not changed. She still loves me but she’s in a relationship. She says I pushed her away when tried to reach out and I ignored her. She was hurting when she met the new guy and he healed her heart. I want another chance but I’m worried their relationship has lasted thing long and it’s probabably too late for me. My questions are: Is this still considered a rebound? What does she mean by her feelings for me have not changed? Can I still get her back?

Yangki’s Answer: Situations like yours are actually common. I will answer your questions one at a time.

Is this still considered a rebound?

Yes and no. “Rebound” describes a relationship that starts quickly after a breakup and is partly used to avoid dealing with emotions from the previous relationship.
So in your scenario, there are really two separate parts:

• Starting 3 weeks after a breakup: That fit what’s often called a rebound at the beginning, because it’s very soon after the breakup.
• Still together 8 months later: At this point, it’s usually no longer accurate to keep calling it a rebound.

If a relationship lasts several months and keeps going, it typically becomes its own independent relationship, regardless of how it started. The “rebound” label mostly describes the early motivation or emotional state, not something permanent.

What does she mean by her feelings for me have not changed?

Someone can still have feelings for an ex — and even still love them — and still choose to be in a new relationship. That usually means one of a few things:

• They’re emotionally conflicted but have moved forward anyway.
• The feelings for you are lingering, but not strong enough (or not actionable enough) to change their current situation.
• Or they’re holding onto emotional attachment while also trying to build something new.

What matters more than what she feels is what she’s doing:

• She is currently choosing to be in another relationship.
• That relationship has lasted several months, which suggests it’s not just a short-term distraction.

So even if she says she loves you, it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s available, or that she’s planning to come back to you.

Can you still get her back?

You mean “get her back from other guy” since their relationship is no longer what is considered a rebound.

Here are a few realities you need to be honest with yourself about:

• Feelings alone aren’t enough. Even if she does still loves you, she’s currently choosing a different relationship.
• Trying to pull someone out of a relationship often backfires. It can push them to double down on their current partner or create resentment.
• What brings someone back (if they ever do) is usually them independently realizing what they want.

The best approach for you at this point is:

1. Keep connection alive (not talking daily but occasionally)

This shows you stil car about her and also helps you keep updated on what’s going on with her. It may also provide a contrast between her two relationship and help her see what it is she really wants.

But only do this if you contact with her doesn’t cause you more pain. Some people are not emotionally strong enough to stay in contact with an ex who is seeing someone else. Only you can determine if you are, or not.

2. Don’t try to get her back now (she’s unavailable)

Let her relationship run its course without interference.  If she decides to comes back, it would need to come from a clear decision on her side—not from being caught between two people.

And stop asking her if she still loves you. She already said she does, but she’s already in another relationship. So even if she says “yes, I still love you,” that wouldn’t change the reality of her current actions, and it would likely leave you feeling even more mixed up afterward.

3. Focus on your own life rather than staying in a waiting position

Go out date other people — you never know you might meet someone you want to be with more than you want to be with your ex.

Also use this time to work on yourself. If she decides to come back , you’ll be in a better position to create a healthier and more lasting relationship. But even if she doesn’t come back, you will be a better partner for someone who deserves the better version of you.

All that said, there are no guarantees in these kind of situations. I’ve seen people in similar situations get back together — and I’ve seen others go their separate ways.

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