I’m Scared We’ll Grow Apart the More Time We’re Apart

Question: Yangki, i did nc and now worry that i wasted too much time. We’ve been broken up for 7 months, were together for 5 years. After 3 months of nc i contacted him and he was responsive but i think i pushed him to get back too soon and we ended up not speaking for another 2 months. We recently got back in touch but he says we can only be friends at the moment. he is however not ruling out a relationship at some point, but for now its friends. I know you said in your dating your ex book that things can still work out, but i’m scared he will find someone better and nicer the more time we’re apart.

Yangki’s Answer: It’s true that the longer you are apart, the further you grow apart. Your lives change, you meet new people and have new experiences that the other is not part of – and if there is no communication, you sort of become strangers to each other.

That said, most people don’t just “move on” that quickly after a 5 year relationship, unless things were so bad that they detached long before the breakup, or met someone they are much happier with.

That he’s leaving things open is a good sign, but that might not be the case in a few more months especially if you keep cutting off contact when you don’t get the answer you want. What it says is that you are only concerned about what you want and do not have your ex’s best interest at heart. Even if he wanted to get back with you, it’ll make him worry that you will not stick around when you do not get what you want.

Take “only be friends at the moment” and use to show him that the two of you are good together.  The article 3 Ways Being Friends Can Get Back Your Ex will help.

As for him finding someone else… You can’t stop an ex from going out and trying to meet other people, or even start a relationship with them. That’s something out of your control. Worrying about it only takes away the energy and time you should be spending on things you can control, like trying to get him back.

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