My Ex Is Scared Of Getting Hurt Again

Question: I don’t want to give up on us but she’s pretty much given up on us. We broke up for the 4th time a month ago. Her main problem was that I did not have a steady job and hang out with my buddies and drink a lot. I’ve since found a steady job that pays well, I have a new apartment and don’t go out that much anymore. We stayed friends after we broke up and see each other socially quite often. She’s very friendly and flirty with me. She has also told me she sees how I have changed and is proud of me. But she doesn’t think her heart can take any more breaking. I told her I did not want to give up on us, I want her back in my life. What can I do to make her change her mind?

Ps: I have your book and it’s helped a lot.

Yangki’s Answer: I don’t think you should give up either. The fact that you stayed friends and continue to see each other, and even still flirt says you have a very strong connection. The love part and the liking part are still very intact (she’s even proud of the changes you’ve made). It’s staying together that’s the problem.

See if you can get her to agree to “test drive” the new relationship for a few weeks or months. The book explains how to ask in ways that she’s most likely to agree. It also gives you some guidelines on how long the trial period should be, and how to minimize risks associated with “trial periods”.

Make sure the trial period gives her a good idea of what it’d be like if you got back together. If there are other “issues” other than the job and hanging out with your buddies, make sure you know what they are and have real sound solutions as to how you’re going to handle things differently; including how you act and react to “problem” areas.

She has to see right from the beginning that not only do you get it, but that it’s going to work this time, otherwise the “test drive” will fail and with it any chance of getting her back that you might have had.

It’s not easy, but it can be done. And when done right, it’s the best solution for a situation you tried to make things work many times and your ex has pretty much lost all hope.

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  1. says: Hailey

    He replies to all my texts and initiates contact but says he is scared of getting hurt. I am bipolar and sometimes I get mean and negative to him but he is a good boyfriend. Since the breakup I take my meds and I am better but he is still scared because he does not want to go through it again.

    1. says: Love Doctor, Yangki Akiteng

      Bipolar is not easy for the person who has it and for the people who love them. May be if you continue to show him that it won’t happen again, he’ll stop being scared. It’s a may be here, a lot depends on if his love is stronger than his fear.

      Whatever happens, stay strong!