Question: I can’t stop talking or texting my ex. We stop for a day or two and then one of us will send a text with “I miss you” and things move on very fast from there. We have a long history of getting back together and always ending up in the same old relationship which is mostly arguments and drama. This time I really want to move on but don’t know how to make a complete clean cut from him. Help me!
I’m 33 with no children, he is 47 with 2 grown up children. I want to have children of my own, he does not want any more children.
Yangki’s Answer: I’ve been asked this question many times in different ways. Most people asking are looking for me to say, “you are meant to be together” because you can’t leave without each other. I hope this is not the case here.
Here is the thing, if you wanted to stop talking to your ex or texting him, you would. There is no “alien” force making you text or talk to him. But you haven’t stopped because you don’t want to stop.
The reason you don’t want to stop is because 1) you don’t know yet what you really want, not just in a relationship but in life — in the future or 2) you know exactly what you want but are not being honest with yourself.
I say this is because of your last sentence “I want to have children of my own, he does not want any more children.” There is a reason you put that in there, and I’ll not be surprised this is at the centre of your arguments and drama.
The best way to move away from what you don’t want is to move towards what you want.
My question to you is: What is more important to you, being with this guy or having children of your own, someday?
It should be clear to you now that you are NOT going to have both. Once you decide what is more important to you and focus on what you want, you will find the strength to move on from a relationship you say you are tired of, and probably know deep inside is not going to fulfill you long term.
Will that stop you from talking to your ex or texting him? Probably not immediately. But it’s a good place to start if you are really serious about moving on.
More on this topic in my article: Why You Still Can’t Get Over Your Ex