Question: My broke up with me about two months ago. After 3 weeks of no contact, I sent him a text “hi, can we talk. I have some things I prefer to talk about face to face.” He responded’ “Whatever you want to tell me, you can text”. I texted him that it was important to talk in person, he did not reply. After 2 days I reached out, “If you don’t want nothing to do with me, then just say so and I’ll leave you alone”. He replied back immediately, “Please, and thank you”. I wrote back “Fine. I’ll leave you alone and I don’t want anything to do with you too. Have a good life.” He hasn’t replied.
I miss him so bad and feel lost and sad. Despite all our problems there were many good things about us. Trying to come to terms with the fact that I will never talk to him again and I never see him ever again hurts most of all. Do you think he is acting like this because he still has feelings for me but doesn’t want to admit it or did I pretty much closed things off for good? Is there anything I can do to get him back? I still love him very much.
Yangki’s Answer: I understand that you got triggered by his cold response, but telling someone “I don’t want anything to do with you too. Have a good life” is to use your words closing things off for good.
Initially he may have had his guard up like most exes do when you go no contact. They find ways to cope and putting up a wall is not unusual. But he seems to have been open to texting when he said “Whatever you want to tell me, you can text”. Because you wanted to meet face to face you felt rejection and over reacted instead of seeing this as an opportunity to open up the lines of communication, even if he wasn’t ready to meet yet.
It’s possible that this is his way of showing he still has feelings for you especially if pursuer and pursued is the kind of dynamic the two of you had when you were together. There are relationships like that, one person pursues and the other pulls away and then roles change. Age, emotional maturity and lack of ‘healthy’ communication skills can create that kind of dynamic.
It’s hard to tell now whether he has feelings and wanted you to ight for him (after you pulled away for 3 weeks) because you gave him a way out by suggesting he wanted nothing to do with you and that you will leave him alone.
Saying “I don’t want anything to do with you” to someone you still love and want back is self-sabotage. You will look like a fool trying to re-establish contact after telling someone, “Fine. I’ll leave you alone, I don’t want anything to do with you too.”
But if you want him back, you’ll have to swallow your pride and try to walk back what you said. Start with an apology for overreacting his suggestion you text instead of meet in person
Will he respond? I don’t know.
Whether he does or does not, learn from this experience and do things differently in your next relationship.