Question: Yangki, I feel like I have no choice but to not contact my ex. I blew up my ex’s phone with so many texts and phone calls. Then I stopped.
Just so you know, I don’t want to go no contact. I don’t want her to think I don’t care or moved on. I’m only doing it because I have no other choice. I love my ex very much and want her back in my life but she doesn’t want me. In the beginning I blew up my ex’s phone with so many texts and phone calls. Then I stopped. I told her I would not bother her again. She said she still loves me but does not like it when I act needy; and not give her space when she asked for it. One of the reasons she broke it off is because she felt that I was controlling; and get upset when I don’t get my way. I just don’t have a choice but to not contact her.
Yangki’s Answer: I agree that you have no choice but to not contact your ex. In your own words you say “I blew up my ex’s phone with so many texts and phone calls” admitting that you acted needy. When someone says you are needy or controlling doing exactly what she is accusing you of doing is not the solution.
She doesn’t know you are not contacting her because you feel you have no choice. She knows that she told you that you didn’t give her space when she asked for it, and like you always do when you don’t get your way, you got upset and now you are not talking to her. You are confirming to her everything she thinks is ‘wrong” with you.
Remember she said to “give her space when she askes for it”, she didn’t say :when I ask for space, don’t contact me for unspecified number of days/weeks. She also said that she did not like it when you act needy, she didn’t say she does not like you (all the time).
What I am saying is that you do have a choice, and it’s a very simple one. She needs to see that whatever she thinks about you is no longer true. The ‘old you’:
- Would get upset and say she does not want to be with you; the “new you” accepts that you don’t always get your way (an effective “break-up acceptance text or email will make a huge difference).
- Blew up my ex’s phone with so many texts and phone calls; the ‘new you’ can stay in contact without over doing it or acting needy.
- Would have cut off contact because you didn’t know what else to do; the ‘new you” will act loving and caring even when you are not in control of the situation.
If she can’t see, feel and believe you have changed, and is not going to want you back. This site will help you (and the advice is free) with maintaining contact without being needy and being close without being controlling.
RELATED:
Is It ‘No Contact’ If My Ex Asked Me Not To Contact Them?
During ‘No Contact’ and ‘Space’ which I personally hate the whole notion of. I have no doubt she has read all the other NC online stuff out there. I’m reading your book that I purchased ‘Dating Your Ex’ and absolutely loving it. I would love to email it to her once I’m done and encourage her to also read it if she so chooses and open an invitation to meet sometime after to discuss or share any opinions because I certainly have things I’d like to share with her from the book. I know she is into this kind of literature and education. Do you feel this is a wise decision or not?
I like your question, but it does not fit under this article. I have responded to it as a separate post. You can find the answer here.
How does a guy contact an ex to show her that he is making attempts to change without seeming fake or desparate?
This is the purpose of this site.
Contact with an ex without being needy, desperate or manipulative.