I Don’t Want To Do ‘No Contact’ But I Have No Choice

Question: Yangki, just so you know. I don’t want to go no contact. I don’t want her to think I don’t care or moved on. I’m only doing it because I have no other choice. I love my ex very much and want her back in my life but she doesn’t want me. In the beginning I bombarded her with so many texts, emails and phone calls. Then I stopped. I told her I would not bother her again. She said she still loves me but does not like it when I act needy and not give her space to think about what she wants. One of the reasons she broke it off is because she felt that I was controlling and got upset when I didn’t get my way. I just don’t have a choice but to not contact her and show her I have changed.

Yangki’s Answer: When someone says you are controlling, cutting off all contact is not the solution. The last thing you want to do is confirm to her that you when didn’t  get your way, you got upset and cut off all contact.

Remember she said to “give her space to think”. She didn’t say “don’t contact me”. She also said that she did not like it when you act needy. She didn’t say she does not like you (all the time). In fact she said she still loves you. There’s a difference.

What I am saying is that you do have a choice, and it’s a very simple one.

Show her that you are capable of:

  • giving her space to think about what she wants without getting upset because you didn’t get your way,
  • being in contact without being needy (sending too many many texts, emails and phone calls
  • acting loving and caring even when you are not in control of the situation.

She can’t see, feel and believe you have changed and are what she wants when you have no contact.

If you need help, this site will help you (and the advice is free) with maintaining contact without being needy and being close without being controlling.

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  • During ‘No Contact’ and ‘Space’ which I personally hate the whole notion of. I have no doubt she has read all the other NC online stuff out there. I’m reading your book that I purchased ‘Dating Your Ex’ and absolutely loving it. I would love to email it to her once I’m done and encourage her to also read it if she so chooses and open an invitation to meet sometime after to discuss or share any opinions because I certainly have things I’d like to share with her from the book. I know she is into this kind of literature and education. Do you feel this is a wise decision or not?

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