Question: Yangki, my ex and I have been on an off and on relationship for the last 2 years. She’s broken up with me 3 times before but the last breakup which happened in June was initiated by me. We’re on talking terms and it’s obvious we’re both still in love with each other. But while I still love and care for her very much, I’m hesitant about getting back with her if I could. We’ve both hurt each other directly and indirectly and I feel that if we get back together nothing would be different. I don’t know if I feel this way because I’m still hurting or because I’m finally being reasonable and seeing this relationship for what it is. I’m really confused.
Yangki’s Answer: This is your 5th attempt, any sane person would have the same reservations. You could be finally seeing this relationship for what it is, but it’s also possible that you are still feeling hurt – or it could be both.
I suggest that you do not make a rush decision either direction. Wait a few more weeks while you work on healing, and if you still feel the same way, then maybe it’s time to end the on an off for good.
Stay in contact so that you can monitor how you truly feel against reality. You want to be sure you are not exaggerating or minimizing your emotions and how you fee.
It’ll also help to write the reasons for and against getting back together. This will help you be clear if the reasons for your repeated breaking up are things that can be worked out, or things that just won’t be resolved however much you or both of you change, and however hard you try to make the relationship work. It is very important that with this exercise that you be as honest with yourself as possible.