I Don’t Love Or Want My Ex Back – Is This Normal?

Question: My ex broke up with me 5 months ago. I was devastated. It took months for me to stop crying and get my life together. Today I feel like a completely different person, and many look at me like a whole new person. My ex has been trying to contact me but since I haven’t spoken to him in months, I’m beginning to feel that the new me will not be happy with this man anymore. Months ago, I’d have done anything to have him back in my life, now I’m not sure I want him back or even that I love him anymore. Is this normal?

Yangki’s Answer: Yes, it is normal to feel the way you feel. People change and breakups like many traumatic experiences inspire rapid growth in ways we’d never have been able to grow if we hadn’t gone through a devastating experience.

When two people grow in different directions or one person grows faster than the other, there is likely to be a “mis-match” of sorts. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with either person, it just means you are in a whole different place from where you were a few months ago.

Just because he wants you back doesn’t mean you have to say “yes”. Take your time and see how you continue to feel — and make your decision based on how you feel not on what your ex wants or what others say. Everyone has where they’re coming from… their reality is not your reality.

Ultimately, it’s your life and part of emotional maturity is knowing that you — and you alone — own your decisions and are responsible for the consequences thereof.

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  1. says: Chris

    I feel the same way. My ex left 3 months ago and I wish I knew then what I know now. There’s still Times I get absolutely destroyed by my feelings, but I know that I got through the worst part. Now I can safely tell myself that all the things I felt before passed, and this will too. It’s a wonderfully tragic place to be. She even has a new boyfriend for a couple months and I’m relieved because she’s not my emotional wreck to deal with anymore. Someone else can gladly have that job. Growth is such a release.