An ex’s mixed messages or signals as frustrating at they may be, can be used to move things forward to get back your ex, if done the right way.
Almost everyone trying to get an ex back at some point in the process feels that they are getting mixed messages from their ex. The sad reality is that most of the time they are right.
There are instances when the message is direct and clear, but someone is just not willing to accept it, but that’s a different story.
While mixed messages in general are confusing, stressful and annoying, not all of them are intentional. Some exes are genuinely conflicted and are just as confused and frustrated as you are about their inability to decide one way or the other. Other times exes send mixed messages and don’t even realize they are sending mixed messages.
Can you stop or prevent an ex from sending you mixed messages? Most of the time no, but you can use your ex’s mixed messages and signals to move things forward.
1. Your ex is sending mixed signals to confuse, manipulate or control you
When your ex says they miss you or love you but then do things that are mean, cruel and disrespectful, this is not just an ex sending mixed message or signals because they miss you or are having a hard time dealing with the break-up, this is an ex out to hurt you.
The best response is to tell your ex to knock it off. Contrary to what most emotionally insecure people believe, most people respect you more when you are direct, clear, firm and assertive in a way that’s not obnoxious.
How your ex takes it will tell you a lot about the kind of person you are dealing with, someone who:.
- Cares about you will stop trying to mess with your head.
- Doesn’t care about you will think it’s a power-game and continue trying to mess with you.
- Has no intentions of getting back together will either stop all contact or pull the “silently gone” move.
2. Your ex is sending mixed signals unintentionally (miscommunication)
Some ex’s mixed signals can be a result of miscommunication; they’re trying to emotionally connect or express their thoughts and feelings, and it comes out wrong. Your ex may not even realize they are sending mixed messages.
To move things forward with your ex, bring the mixed messages to their attention. Simply tell them you’re confused about something they said or did and give specific examples of what you are confused about. That’s it. Don’t start bringing up things that have nothing to do with why you are having the conversation.
If you approach this calmly without letting your own emotions get in the way, it can actually improve communication and move things forward.
3. Your ex is sending mixed signals because they’re genuinely conflicted
An ex sending mixed signals because they’re genuinely conflicted is not trying to intentionally hurt you. It just means that there’s a lot going on with them and your ex is not handling their internal conflict well and it’s affecting you.
To move things froward with your ex, change how you respond to their mixed messages.
- Tell your ex why you are confused but don’t accuse them of making you feel the way you do (no one is responsible for how you feel except you), or pressure them to make a decision. Most decisions exes make under pressure while they may clear the confusion are usually not in your favour.
- Ask for clarification but this must be strictly for the purpose of clarification only. Don’t ask for clarification them start arguing your case, or try to coach/psychoanalyze them (attachment style… blah.. blah) into the decision you want. Whether you accept it or not, or whether you like it or not, there is a reason your ex is conflicted. It may not make sense to you but if it is keeping them on the fence, it makes sense to them.
At the end of the day, what is important is that both of you feel heard and understood. Once you understand where the mixed signals are coming from, it’s easier to respond appropriately and in a way that moves the process forward and to getting back together.