How to Use Your Ex’s Mixed Messages to Move Things Forward

Almost everyone trying to get an ex back at some point in the process feels that they are getting mixed messages from their ex. The sad reality is that most of the time they are right.

There are instances when the message is direct and clear, but someone is just not willing to accept it… but that’s a different story.

While mixed messages in general are confusing, stressful and annoying, not all of them are intentional. Some exes are genuinely conflicted and are just as confused and frustrated as you are about their inability to decide one way or the other.

Other times exes send mixed messages and don’t even realize they are sending mixed messages.

Can you stop or prevent an ex from sending you mixed messages? Most of the time no.

1. When the mixed messages are deliberate, just tell them to knock it off. Nothing stops stupid mind games like a strong, direct and clear rebuke. Contrary to what most emotionally insecure believe, most people respect you more when you are firm and assertive in a way that’s not obnoxious.

How your ex takes it will tell you a lot about the kind of person you are dealing with.

  • Someone who cares about you will stop trying to mess with your head.
  • Someone who doesn’t care will think it’s a power-game and continue trying to mess with you.
  • Someone who has no intentions of getting back together will either stop all contact or pull the “silently gone” move.

2. When the mixed messages are unintentional as in the case of an ex who doesn’t realize they are sending mixed messages, simply tell them you are confused and give specific examples of what you are confused about. That’s it.

Bring the mixed messages to their attention and stop talking or start bringing up things that have nothing to do with why you are having the conversation.

If you approach this calmly without letting your own emotions get in the way, it can actually improve communication and move things forward.

3. When an ex is genuinely conflicted, change how you respond to their mixed messages.

  • Tell your ex why you are confused but don’t accuse them of making you feel the way you do (no one is responsible for how you feel except you), or pressure them to make a decision. Most decisions exes make under pressure while they may clear the confusion are usually not in your favour.
  • Ask for clarification but this must be strictly for the purpose of clarification only. Don’t ask for clarification them start arguing your case, or try to coach/psychoanalyse them (attachment style… blah.. blah) into the decision you want. Whether you accept it or not, or whether you like it or not, there is a reason your ex is conflicted. It may not make sense to you but if it is keeping them on the fence, it makes sense to them.

At the end of the day, what is important is that both of you feel heard and understood. Once you understand where the mixed signals are coming from, it’s easier to respond appropriately and in a way that moves the process forward and to getting back together.

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