Some difficult conversations need to happen to move things forward and get back together sooner than later.
But how do you have those difficult conversations with a fearful avoidant who is conflict avoidant and does not want to talk about anything that brings up the emotions of the break-up or want to talk about current concerns and needs?
In this video I discuss 7 things that need to happen for a fearful avoidant to feel safe enough to open up about their needs or concerns that they may have about getting back together. Like many fearful avoidants, your ex may be avoiding talking about issues because they are scared to death that they might offend you and would rather hide what is bothering them and delay confrontation.
This is why they say “I don’t want to fight” before you have even said anything. They expect things not to end well and use your tendency to pursue the issue and not let up or give them space as justification for not wanting to have the conversation in the first place.
Followed your advice and brought up my needs with my FA. I thought it went well but now I am not so sure.
I am AP and it would really bother me if I wanted to see my now DA ex and he preferred his own company. But since becoming more secure (only a few months), I now tell him, “I understand. Let me know when we can do something together” and go do my own thing alone or with others. It seems to make him feel he can have his space and be with me because he now initiates activities together and doesn’t pull “I need time for me” as often. It took a while to get here but I am happy with where we are.