How To Take It Slow And Get Your Ex Back

If you are reading this article it means that you’ve probably heard or read that taking it slow is the best approach to getting back your ex.

But what does taking it slow with your ex really mean?

Taking it slow in anything means slowing the pace at which things are moving forward so that you can go further much. When it comes to getting back your ex, taking it slow means that instead of rushing through the process, you take one small step, see it’s impact and then take the next small step.

It means constantly asking yourself, “What can I say or do that might move my ex the smallest step towards where he/she needs to be able to make a decision to get back together?”

Last but not least, taking it slow means not rushing the other person to a decision (any decision) until he/she is ready to make one.

The most important part of taking things slow with your ex is “moving forward”. If there is no movement because you are giving him/her ” space”, you are not taking it slow. You are foot-dragging, hesitating on taking necessary action and missing opportunities to change things.

Taking it slow ensures that you are not getting far ahead of your ex’s feelings for you. It ensures that you are not putting an enormous amount of pressure on your ex.

By taking small steps, you are not only able to see the impact of your words and actions, it also allows you to course-correct before things reach the point of no return.

The problem is if neither of you has any experience “taking things slow” or if one or both of you has a history of jumping into a relationships headfirst — talking for hours on the first day or contact, and spending too much time together time right away — you might want to take things slow but not know how.

Some of the things you can do include:

1. Do not “actively” try to get back together for say a month or two depending on what stage of the process you are in. Don’t talk about the past (old relationship) and don’t talk about the future (getting back together). Just focus o the present and getting to know each other all over. This is especially effective if one of you has reservations about trying the relationship again, or even staying in contact.

2. Don’t just go out on spur of the moment especially if you have very strong sexual attraction. Instead plan when to go out. For example, plan on going on a date 2 weeks or a month from now if everything goes okay. If that goes well too, plan on another date if things keep going well… and so forth.

3. Don’t start drastically changing your life just because things are going well at the moment. Do all the things you’ve been doing to make your life full and happy on your own, and schedule the “new relationship” with your ex to fit in, instead of the other way around.

4. Do things that friends would do together (see: 3 Ways Being Friends Can Get Back Your Ex).

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132 Comments

  • I never believed that going back to an ex was a wise decision, but it’s been different this time. I wanted her back and read every article you’ve written and also got your book. I’m glad to say that she has agreed to give me another chance.

    For everyone still trying to get your ex back, Yangki’s advice works. You just have to make sure to address the problems that led to the breakup and show her that you have changed. Another thing that you have to remember is that reading all of this advice isn’t the same as putting it into practice

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  • My ex and I decided to take things slow but I’m getting so many mixed signals from her that I don’t know what to do anymore. She texts saying she misses the way we were before and a few days later she says she’s not sure about us. I’m willing to take things slow but I at least want to know which direction we are going in. I don’t want to be making all the effort only for her to walk away. May be I’m being cynical but I believe she is using me for her own selfish needs. I’m close to telling her to sort herself out or take a walk. Does that make sense? Please help.

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    • Yes, it makes sense. You want to figure out sooner rather than later where things are headed, and that’s healthy. But I also suspect that you’re somehow convinced she’s going to walk for sure and for you it’s better now than later. My experience is that if someone feels strongly things will not work out, they are usually right.

      Instead of getting all frustrated about her not making up her mind, you spend that energy trying to figure out what it is exactly that she’s ambivalent about, that’s if you want this relationship to work. Someone can love you but sit on the face for a reason… and as long as that “reason” still exists, they’ll sit there torn between their love for you and 1) something you say/do that they are particularly not happy about or 2) their needs/wants/desires not met by the relationship.

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