Do you feel like your relationship is moving too fast? How do you set the pace when a relationship is moving too quickly?
There are always signs a relationship is moving too quickly but many of us get caught up in how good it feels that we forget to set the pace of a relationship early on.
You met someone you wish, dream and pray is the person you’ll spend the rest of your days on earth with, then for some reason something happens inside of you and you find yourself rushing the relationship to a premature ending.
If this has happened to you or you’re reading this and it’s happening to you right now, you’re not alone; if that’s any comfort.
Almost everyone these days has a “Screw love! I want my (phone call, text message, date, orgasm, commitment, ring, wedding) right now!” attitude towards dating and relationships. To go S-L-O-W-L-Y and let love take it’s natural course seems to be against the grain in our over busy and over stimulated digital world.
But this “rushing to nowhere” attitude has caused many relationships with great potential to end before they even had a chance to see the light of day. It is also the reason many relationships are on-and-off for several years with no end in sight. But most of all, it’s resulted in many broken hearts and many broken relationship dreams.
Speeding full speed ahead with nothing but expectation, fantasy and determination usually guarantees an abrupt screeching end; and all you’re are left with is what “could’ve been” and “might’ve been”.
Relationships never happen or grow through the attempt to make them happen as fast as possible. Rushing a relationship will actually increase the chances of making irreversible mistakes and keeps us reacting to what we do not want instead of creating what we want.
To set the pace when a relationship is moving too quickly:
1. From time to time take note of the speed at which things are moving so you can adjust the pace before it’s too late.
2. Have some sort of plan as to how you want things to progress. However good things seem to be going; stick to your plan or at least refer back to it to make the necessary adjustments.
3. Adjust the timing of your contacts (i.e. how often you reach out, how soon you respond, how much you say etc) to match theirs.
4. If the other person is moving things too fast, manage the pace by slowing down your own responses.
5. If none of the above slows things down, it is okay to say “Things are moving too fast for me, let’s slow down and take it slow”. Make sure to dress it up a little so it does not sound cold, controlling and condescending.
It’s important to keep in mind that “slowing down” is not the same as playing it safe and “waiting until the coast is clear”. If you simply sit back and “wait” for things to work themselves out to your favour; don’t be surprised, upset or hurt when weeks and months later, you find yourself wondering what happened to “slowing down”.
Slowing down is about knowing when to act and not act, what to act on and what to do nothing about. It’s also about having the patience to wait for clarity before acting. Above all, it’s about letting be, and letting love do!
Love takes it’s time, you should too. Instead of focusing on speed, focus on love and you’ll see your relationship unfold in ways you never thought possible!
Guilty as charged! Insightful article. I love the idea of don’t focus on speed, focus on love….so simple but so forgotten!