Your avoidant ex asked for space and you gave them the space they asked for, but they keep texting you? Do you respect their request for space and not respond, or do you respond and keep the lines of communication open?
It depends on what your ex meant by “space”.
Most of the time when someone asks for “space”, they are not necessarily asking you not to contact them or saying they want you out of their life. Sometimes space means they want you to STOP:
- Putting pressure
- Being needy
- Starting arguments and fights
- Creating drama
- Playing mind-games
- Talking about the break-up
- Asking to get back together
- Trying to make the relationship work (e.g. suggesting doing something fun together, do couples’ therapy, telling them they read about attachment styles etc)
Stop whatever it is that they want you to stop doing.
If an avoidant asked for space they want to stay in contact but want you to stop asking to get back together or stop trying to make the relationship work, and you stop responding or ask for no contact, they’ll see it as a red flag and a sign that getting back together may be a bad idea.
If your ex is anxious-preoccupied, they will see it as you abandoning them and go into panic mode. They start reaching out more and frantically trying to hold on to the relationship.
The hyperactivation of the attachment system is not your ex trying to connect in a healthy way that will lead to a happy ending, they are trying to make themselves feel better.
You’re there thinking “Oh my ex can’t stop talking to me, it must mean something” Yes it means something. It means your ex has a fear of abandonment and you triggered it.
Watch the video and learn what you should do.