Now that you know what emotional momentum is and how important it is to catching and holding your ex’s attention long enough for him/her to begin looking forward to your texts or calls, and even start initiating contact; your next step should be to move away from meaningless contact to actual real conversations that bring you closer to your ex.
An emotionally bonding conversation is emotionally satisfying on its own. Many emotionally bonding conversations over an extended period of time intensify emotional involvement creating emotional momentum.
1) Identify what your ex feels emotionally connected to.
Remember I said earlier on that each and everyone of us has emotional catalysts that hurry us along towards making a decision, and it’s different for everyone.
Well, if you’ve actually been “present” in your relationship and not just riding along on great sex or emotional drama, or walking on egg-shells around your ex, you should know your ex well enough to know what holds your ex’s attention.
If you don’t know what holds your ex’s attention, it will be really hard to build emotional momentum.
2) Find the emotion and use it in an interesting yet authentic way.
When people communicate, they give away a lot of information about how they are feeling. I’m not taking about how your ex is feeling about YOU, that’s the “Me, Myself and I” mentality at work.
I’m talking about how THEY feel… if they are happy/excited about an achievement, feeling sad about something that happened, stressed out at work etc.
Yes, that “how THEY feel”…. the one you are not interested in because it’s not about you.
That “how THEY feel” is VERY important if you want to be a part of your ex’s emotional world, make your ex look forward to your texts or calls, and get him/her to start initiating contact.
How you do that is by connecting to the emotion he/she is communicating at any particular moment.
This is one other reason why maintaining contact with your ex is crucial. It’s hard to know if your ex is happy, feeling sad or stressed out if you haven’t been in contact for 3 months.
3) Make sure you do not force emotional momentum to happen.
It’s so easy to get too emotionally involved in trying to create emotional momentum that you end up undermining what you’re trying to achieve.
“Trying too hard” will show as forced, unauthentic and manipulative.
The trick is to stay present (a conversation at a time). Be genuinely interested in what your ex is interested in — ask questions, make suggestions, provide additional insight, challenge etc, pay attention to how your ex is feeling and connect with that feeling or emotion.
Do this over an extended period of time, and those emotionally bonding great conversations will begin to build emotional momentum.
You can create emotional momentum just by text, email and phone calls alone — without meeting in person. In some cases it may even be best to hold off meeting in-person until there is enough emotional momentum to make the in-person meeting or date more effective.
If you are struggling with building momentum, I am happy to work with you one-on-one to develop a strategy/plan of action that’ll move things forward.