How do you get an ex who lost feelings for you to fall back in love and how long does it take for your ex to fall back in love with you?
To answer both questions, it’s import to first explain what “lost feelings for you” or “not in love” or “does feel for you anymore” means.
What does it mean when an ex says they lost feelings for you or are not “in love” with you?
It means they:
- Stopped feeling butterflies in the stomach for you or stopped feeling ”excited” about being with you.
- Care about you but don’t want to continue a romantic relationship with you.
- Have feelings for you but they are not sexual feelings anymore.
- Feel that something has gone wrong with the relationship but they don’t know what it is.
- Are Breaking up with you but don’t want there to be hurt feelings.
It could mean anything that indicates that the feeling you get when you fall in love with someone is gone.
When and ex says “I have lost feelings for you” or “I love you but I am not in love with you”, it doesn’t mean is that someone necessarily stopped loving you. It is like you love you mother, father or siblings but you don’t want to jump their bones. You feel love for them but you don’t have feelings of love for them, if that makes sense.
When an ex says they lost feelings for you or are not “in love” with you, they’re talking about feelings
A “feeling” is a reaction to an emotional experience. Something spooks you, you experience fear, and you feel scared. Someone compliments you, you experience joy, and you feel happy. Your ex breaks up with you, you experience deep loss and you feel sad.
Feelings of love just like all other feelings. The relationship isn’t working for you, you experience loss of excitement about being in the relationship, and you don’t feel “in love” anymore. Whatever problems that caused the relationship not to work are resolved, you’re excitement about being in the relationship, the feelings come back and you’re in love again.
What I’m to say is “feelings” are a reaction, and can change when the experience changes. This means that you can get an ex back who lost feelings for you to feel those feelings again.
Do the following to get an ex who lost feelings to fall back in love.
1. Find out why your ex lost feelings for you
Lost feelings can be brought if you know why your ex lost the feelings in the first place.
Everything in this world starts to deteriorate with time if it is not cared enough or not given much needed importance. Feelings of love are no exception.
Think back to when your ex started to lose those feelings. They were once there, your ex felt them. What caused them to lose that feeling of being in love?
- Too many arguments
- Being needy and clingy
- You fell into a routine and became boring
- No emotional connection
- Less or no intimacy
- Incompatibility problems
- Your ex feel ignored/taken for granted
- You complained too much and your ex felt they were not good enough for you
- Maybe you take too long to commit etc.
Once you have figured out why they lost feelings, stop doing more of the same. Instead create the environment for the feelings to come back.
2. Create new feelings that make you ex feel in love again
Lost feelings can come back if you create new (and if possible better) feelings.
This is probably easier than trying to recreate old feelings that your ex lost. Someone losing feelings means that you should change something up to bring back that excitement. Sometimes that means changing some of your behaviours and other times it means bringing in experiences that are more pleasant, interesting, exciting, inspiring, or life changing in a positive ways. These new memories create new feelings of feeling in love again.
3. Make your ex feel safe, appreciated and validated
Lost feelings can come back if you make your ex feel safe, appreciated and validated
Sometimes bringing back lost feelings can be as simple as making your ex feel being in a relationship with you is worth it for them. Some of the things you can do to achieve is tell them how thankful you are for having them in your life, what they mean to you, the qualities you admire about them and what the have taught you about love.
This is tricky when you are broken up. An all of a sudden out pouring of love and appreciation will come across as too needy at best and manipulative at worst. This is one reason I discourage writing your ex ‘a letter”. It usually doesn’t turn out as good as it feels when you are writing the letter.
It’s probably better to wait until you’ve made a strong emotional connection, and your ex is showing interest before you go all out.
4. Keep the lines of communication open, and communicate
Lost feelings can come back by working with your ex to bring back the lost feelings.
One of the top reasons an ex loses feelings and falls out of love is lack of communication or poor communication. And one of the first things someone losing feelings or falling out of love does is stop communicating. It makes sense that if you want to get back an ex who lost feelings for you, the key is communication.
Only your ex can tell you how they are feeling about:
- Some of the things that happened in the relationship that caused them to lose feelings for you. Others, including myself can only speculate, but you and your ex are only two people in the relationship, the only ones who really know what goes on behind closed doors, literally.
- Getting back together. If they feel differently and what you can do to make them feel feelings for you again.
Why and how lost feelings come and go and come back again differ from one person to another
How you go about trying to attract back an ex who lost feelings depends on so many things, including your ex’s attachment style. For example:
Securely attached – Are open and direct and will tell you why they lost their feelings for you
Anxiously attached – Leave you to guess because they think the truth will hurt you and want to spare you more pain. You may have to ask many questions to get to how they lost feelings and how they feel now.
Dismissive avoidants – Want to avoid long-drawn-out “discussions” about the relationship or break-up. Don’t insist on talking. It’s best to focus on creating a safe environment for the feelings to come back.
Fearful Avoidants – Fear you will use their feelings against them or hurt them in some way. Be reassuring and make sure you communicate directly and clearly.
Getting back and ex who lost feelings for you takes time
Lost feelings take time to come back. So be patient with yourself, and with your ex. To get an ex back who lost feelings for you, you may need to make some deep changes, and this takes time too.
Superficial fixes and touch-ups here and there will only bring back superficial surface feelings. You have to go deeper if you want your ex’s feelings to be deep.
For example:
1.Your ex says they lost feelings for you because you never showed up in the relationship. You were too busy or spent more time with your friends than with them. Maybe you just didn’t make enough effort to text them, call them, arrange romantic dates, etc. You could even be a fearful or dismissive avoidant and you need more “me-time” than ‘we-time”; and your ex felt neglected. Anything that made your ex feel unloved, unwanted, taken for granted, not a priority.
The worst possible thing you can do with someone who lost feelings because you were ‘never there” is do no contact.
Like seriously?! No contact is the epitome of doing more of making your ex feel unloved, unwanted, taken for granted, not a priority.
2. Your ex says they lost feelings for you because you both fell into a routine and things became boring. Going to the gym, expanding your social network or meditating will have very little impact if none of those things are the reasons your ex lost feelings for you.
Don’t get me wrong. Getting fit after a break-up will help you feel more confident about yourself. Confident is good. Expanding your social circles makes you more independent and not needy, and that’s a good thing. But it only takes you so far when trying to attract back someone who left because of boredom.
Your ex may like the new happy, confident and independent you, and be genuinely happy about the changes you’ve made, but if you can’t show/prove to them that things will not fall into a routine once you are back together, those feelings are not coming back.
Go through the list of reasons your ex lost feelings for you. Do the self-work and change. Then show that things can be different.
You can do it. Others have done it, and so can you.
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Why Did Your Ex’s Feelings For You Change?
Thank you for the time and effort you’ve put into these free resources. It’s inspired a lot of hope in me after meeting a DA guy who I hit it off with super well, with him telling me things like “get used to being cared for” and “I feel like I can be myself around you” and very much wanting me to be apart of his life, then he ended things all of a sudden because he says he has a pattern of having happy relationships with people but then a “switch goes off” and he stops caring for them and it never comes back. He’s aware it’s an issue and knows it happens for a reason but isn’t sure why. He told me he still wants to be friends and we’re trying that but I let him know I still have feelings for him and that I can’t help but hope things change. Reading the stuff on this website and reading your book has me determined to try and work on myself and make things work with him as best I can. The way I see it: at best, we do get back together and have a wonderful, long term relationship – at worst, I learn to be a better and more supportive person towards him, even if it doesn’t result in us having a relationship, as well as learning how to be more supportive towards others in my life even if they’re not a romantic interest. I’m FA so my feelings are messy but I know myself better now & know I can make it through.