How to Emotionally Connect With Your Ex In Text Messages

If you are trying to attract back your ex, you should and must put more effort into making an emotional connection. All the effort you put into ‘giving your ex space” and keeping it “light, relaxed and happy” will amount to completely nothing if you are not emotionally connecting.

It’s like someone trying to light a camp fire: cleaning out the firepit, place in new dry wood, get the can of lighter fluid and place it by the firepit and then sit there waiting for the fire to start itself. It won’t.

Someone has to light the fire. Emotions is the lighter (energy in motion) and making an effort to emotionally connect is the act of lighting the fire. That flow of “warm energy” that you feel between you and your ex… is emotional connection. If your text messages feel superficial, cold and distant, you are not emotionally connecting. It’s that simple.

RELATED: 10 SIGNS You’re Emotionally Connecting With Your Ex

Focus more of your efforts on making an emotional connection.

It’s not uncommon, in the very initial stages of the process to struggle with emotionally connecting with an ex. Your ex like most may be guarded for a number of reasons and blocking your attempts to emotionally connect, but you should still try.

Needless to say, emotionally connecting via text is not easy even with the use of emojis. That’s why it’s important to always reach further into what you know about your ex and trigger emotions that make a connection.

Always remember, emotional connection is simply the ability to feel the other person’s emotions like they were your own, and reflect their emotions back to them in away that validates their experience.

For example if the emotion you want to trigger and connect to is your ex’s joy or happiness, it’s not enough to say “I am happy for you” , or if the emotion you want to trigger and connect to is your ex’s sadness about something, it’s not enough to say , “That’s sad” .

Always try to reach further into what you know about the circumstances, thoughts, and feelings surrounding the event and bring to life the emotion you are want to trigger and connect to.

For example:

  • “I am happy for you. You missed your niece’s birthday for that project. Now you can buy her the iphone your promised her.”
  • “That’s sad. Doug and Em had their problems but divorce is always hard on everyone.  How are the children dealing with the news? It must be harder for Zach, he’s only 11.”

This reminds your ex, without being too intrusive or trying too hard that at some point, the two of you talked about the project they’re telling you about or about Doug and Em – and had an emotional connection.

Pleasant emotions elicit pleasant feelings.

This doesn’t mean you can’t connect on emotions that are less pleasant. For example, if you lost a job you liked, putting a happy spin on the emotional event can be confusing to your ex. The normal reaction to losing a job you like is sadness, but if you are sending LOLs and making jokes to appear “light, relaxed and happy”, your ex will not know how to think or respond.

Make it a habit before hitting the SEND button to ask yourself, Am I “emotionally connecting” or just “communicating my emotions”?

If you are in regular contact with your ex but struggling to sustain conversations or make an emotional connection, I can help review your text messages, your ex’s responses and tweak your next response to create the kind of emotional impact that will help you not only sustain conversations but also create strong emotional attraction.

RELATED: How to Emotionally Connect With Your Ex (The Right Way)

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