In order to emotionally connect and benefit from emotional connection, you must pay attention to how the other person FEELS.
Now, those of us who are all about me, me, me will read this and interpret it as “how my ex feels about ME”.
There is a difference between wanting to know how your ex feels about YOU and showing your ex that you think about things HE/SHE cares about, and care about people HE/SHE cares about (even if you are not one of those people).
This is a tall order for many people. Your ex rejects you, breaks up with you (and hurts you), and now you have to make him/her feel good too?
Doesn’t that make you needy and desperate?
Here’s the thing. If you are needy and desperate, whatever you do will end up being needy and desperate.
Why? Because needy and desperate is not so much about what you say or do, but about the vibes you give out. “How you make them feel.”
You’ve probably heard someone say (or have said it yourself), “I just get this bad feeling about that woman“, or “He just gives me the creeps“.
Same thing with needy and desperate. We may not know why we feel the way we feel or be able to put into words the vibe we get from a needy person, but we know something uncomfortable/unpleasant/negative is there because we FEEL it.
That’s why you can sit perfectly still, do nothing and say nothing and still be seen as needy and desperate. The people around you, or the ex you are trying to connect with picks up the needy, desperate and pathetic vibe, and it doesn’t make him/her FEEL good.
It’s surprising just how many people don’t get this.
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard men and women proudly declare, “I don’t initiate contact, I let him/her do all the initiating contact” or “I don’t ask him/her questions, he/she’s the one always asking”. They say it like it’s an accomplishment. Something to be proud of.
I am thinking… how do you think that makes your ex FEEL? How would you feel if someone did the very same thing to you?
In their way of thinking, they are not doing all the things they think make them needy, desperate and pathetic, and they are happy with how they are handling things. In fact, that’s what almost all the experts say they should do, and they are proud that they are acing it!
The only problem is that their ex is still not emotionally opening up or engaging… and they don’t understand why.
Clue: “How you make them FEEL.”
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Remember that.
If you are not engaging and arousing “positive” feelings and emotions, you are NOT emotionally connecting. It’s that simple.
If your ex doesn’t FEEL anything, there is going to be no emotionally opening up or emotionally engaging.
Your ex may even go through the motions of initiating contact but that’s like walking past the hotel receptionist and saying “Good morning”. It’s what you are supposed to do. What you’ve done the last several days without much thought or feeling, and what you’ll probably do again until something or someone more emotionally arousing and engaging catches/draws your attention.
Once something more emotionally arousing and engaging catches/draws your attention, you will walk past the hotel receptionist and he/she will be like, “No good morning today? What’s that about?”
That’s about motions vs. E-motions.
If there is ever going to be emotional opening up and emotional engaging you must arouse pleasant emotions and feelings.
Anything else is going through the motions… until something or someone more emotionally arousing and engaging catches/draws your ex’s attention.
What is emotionally arousing and engaging is different for everyone, and how two people emotionally bond is unique to those two people.
Experts who have extensively studied positive emotions however, agree that some emotions have more positive impact than others.