If you are trying to attract back your ex through text; learn how to create a strong emotional connection with your ex through text and attract back your ex faster.
If you’re clicked on this article, you’re one of the 95% of people trying to attract back their ex are through text messaging. No doubt, you’d have preferred face-to-face interaction for the simple reason that it is easier to emotionally connect when you can see your ex. You can see their facial expression, read their body language and feel their energy. You can’t achieve that level of emotional connection with text messaging; even with the use of emojis.
The key is to learn how to work with the format you have and use it to emotionally connect with your ex.
1. Make emotionally connecting with your ex a priority
Emotional connection is meeting someone where they’re at emotionally and engaging with their emotions (or emotional experience) just as they are. In other words, trying to emotionally connect with an ex is about them – their emotions.
All the effort you put into “no contact”, “giving your ex space” and keeping it “light and relaxed”; will amount to completely nothing if you can’t emotionally connect with your ex. It’s like someone trying to light a campfire. You clean out the firepit, place in new dry wood, pour the lighter fluid on the wood; and then sit there waiting for the fire to start itself. It won’t.
Someone has to light the fire. Emotions is the lighter (energy in motion) and making an effort to emotionally connect with another person’s emotions is the act of lighting the fire in them (move them to action). That flow of “warm energy” that you feel between you and your ex is emotional connection. If your text messages feel superficial, cold and distant, you are not emotionally connecting. It’s that simple. (see: emotionally connection with an avoidant ex).
2. Keep text messages short and simple
It’s not uncommon, in the very initial stages of the process to struggle with emotionally connecting with an ex. Your ex like most may be guarded for a number of reasons and blocking your attempts to emotionally connect.
It’s best in the initial stages when your ex is still guarded to keep the length of your texts to 2 – 3 sentences. Bite size emotions are easier to digest and process than a load full of emotions.
Simple or basic emotions such as sadness, happiness, fear, anger, surprise and disgust are easier to understand, relate to and respond too. But if you are fluent in the language of emotions, feel free to venture into more complex emotions. But keep it bite size.
3. Time your text messages to when your ex is emotionally receptive
It’s hard to connect emotionally when someone is busy or distracted. And some exes are more emotionally open in the morning, others during the day and others in the evenings and night.
So before you send your ex a text message, think about what they must be doing at that time of the day; and how emotionally receptive they’re likely to be.
This is the one advantage among others of staying in contact with your ex. You have a rough idea of what their day or week is like and can a target your texts to when they most emotionally receptive and responsive.
4. Target a specific emotion or emotions
When it comes to attracting back an ex, not all emotions are equal. Pleasant emotions for example elicit pleasant feelings. If you are trying to text your ex for a nice friendly chat, then target pleasant emotions. This doesn’t mean you can’t connect on emotions that are less pleasant. For example, if you lost a job you liked, putting a happy spin on the emotional experience can be confusing to your ex. The normal reaction to losing a job you like is sadness, but if you are sending LOLs and making jokes to appear “light, relaxed and happy”, your ex will not know how to think or respond.
If you are texting your ex because you want them to act on something, target the emotions that you know from experience with your ex moves them to action. For example if both of you like eating out and a restaurant just opened that you think your ex might like, connect with the emotions eating out invoke in your ex e.g. frustration (having to go far to find a good restaurant), pleasure (taste for good food), appreciation (your ex doesn’t like to cook), inspiration (opportunity to learn new recipes), enjoyment (opportunity to socialize), awe (new cultural experience) etc. These are just examples of emotions and not necessarily your ex’s emotions. You know what your ex might feel based on what they’ve expressed before about eating out, invoke those emotions.
A text about not having to go far to find a Thai food restaurant might look something like, “Did you know a new Thai food restaurant just opened up on Yonge and Bloor Street? It’s only a 15-minute walk from your place. Now you don’t have to drive 40 minutes to find good Thai food. How cool is that?”
Keep in mind that the goal is to emotionally connect not manipulate your ex. Most people catch up manipulation very fast, and instead of emotionally connecting they emotionally disconnect. It’s a lot harder to get back an ex who does not trust you or your motivations.
5. Make it personal
Always remember, emotional connection is simply the ability to feel the other person’s emotions like they were your own, and reflect their emotions back to them in away that validates their experience.
For example, if you are trying to emotionally connect with your ex on something they are happy about, it’s not enough to say “I am happy for you”. And if the emotion you want to connect with is sadness about something, it’s not enough to say , “That’s sad” .
Reach further into what you know about the circumstances, thoughts, and feelings surrounding the event. For example:
- “I am happy for you. You missed your niece’s birthday for that project. Now you can buy her the iphone you promised her.”
- “That’s sad. Doug and Anne had their problems but divorce is always hard on everyone. How are the children dealing with the news? It must be harder for Zach, he’s only 11.”
This reminds your ex, without being too intrusive or trying too hard that at some point, the two of you talked about the project they’re telling you about; or about Doug and Anne – and had an emotional connection.
6. Keep trying different conversation topics
It’s great if you can emotionally connect with your ex right from the beginning of the process. But as mentioned earlier most exes are emotionally guarded in the beginning.
The goal is to emotionally connect with your ex in every text. But don’t expect to strike gold with every single text. Sometimes you have to try different topics to find what you emotionally connect.
7. Focus on the present moment
You can not emotionally connect with your ex, let alone anyone if you are not emotionally present in the moment.
Focusing on the present moment helps you pick up on emotions and feelings; and information about your ex that they are not saying out aloud. Focusing on moment also creates head space for empathetic listening; and for conversations that go are deeper, more meaningful, and emotionally bonding.
Make it a habit before hitting the SEND button to ask yourself, Am I “emotionally connecting with my ex” or just “communicating”?
If you are in contact with your ex but struggling to sustain conversations or make an emotional connection, I can teach you how to create text messages that create a strong emotional connect, make your ex want to respond and to eventually come back.
I can also help review your text messages, your ex’s responses and tweak your next response to create the kind of emotional impact that will help you not only sustain conversations but also create strong emotional attraction.