When it comes to relationships, there will always be another man or woman waiting to take your place. That’s something you have no control over.
What you do have control over is how you set yourself apart from everyone else.
Whether we admit it or not, we human beings take pride in knowing that we have what nobody else has.
Whether it is talent, skill, material goods or people we are associated with, there is satisfaction in knowing we are somehow “special” because we have something that no one else has. By being that “something that no one else has” to someone else, we’re perceived to be of “high quality” and therefore in demand — or at least that’s how the human mind sees it.
The problem is that many of us do not believe that we have something that no one else has. Even those of us who believe we are “special” do not know how to tap into what makes us truly “unlike any other”.
Instead, we buy into advice and techniques that make us “just like everybody else”. We dress like the next girl, talk “the game” like the next guy and play the part of “every man” and “every woman”. In the process, we lose our uniqueness and what sets us apart.
But because we intuitively know that in order to be considered of “high quality” we must present ourselves not only as “unlike any other”, we also must give the impression that we are in “demand”, we resort to mind games such playing hard to get.
The premise is that if we limit supply, the demand will increase; which works so well in a commodity market but not so well in relationships.
In relationships, you can’t sustain the demand-supply dynamics without it hurting the relationship.
Manipulating physical supply (pretending to be “unavailable”), emotional supply (not revealing how you truly feel about someone), intimacy supply (withholding sex), mental supply (playing mind games) will over time backfire and hurt the relationship and hurt you as well.
Not to mention that living in constant fear of supply exceeding demand: being too available, contacting them more than they contact you, being into them more than they are into you, loving them more than they love you, being used or taken advantage of etc,. makes us insecure (needy, clingy, jealous, controlling, manipulative etc) and unattractive.
One of the things you can do to set yourself apart from everyone else and feel secure as “unlike any other” is to tap into the qualities that make you unique. We all have something “unique” about us that makes us truly “unlike any other”. You just have to find yours.
The other thing you can do is to make yourself remembered for all the right reasons.
Yes. You can influence how (or if) someone remembers you.
Related: 7 Reasons Advice On ‘How to Make Your Ex Miss You” Is Bad Advice
I really like your advice. My ex used to say there was “no one else like me” and she was lucky to have me. But that changed and we ended up breaking up. The question is, how does one show an ex that they have something that no one else has? I mean, they had time to figure out on their own that you are one-of-a-kind but broke up with you anyway
Good question. It’s hard — and a really bad idea to play hard to get with someone who shows no interest in wanting to play. I’ve had people after being dumped ask if they should play hard to get… and I’m like, “with who?”
Running around pretending someone is chasing you when nobody is chasing you or playing hide-and-seek with someone who is not participating is plain stupidity.
The person has to show that they want to “know” more about you for them to be able to see how you are one-of-a-kind. It’s even more complicated with an ex because you’ve been together and an ex may assume (sometimes correctly) that there is nothing more to “know” about you.
Start with working on yourself to become more of you, so you have something “new” for your ex to “see”. Also before you start playing hard to get make sure you’ve slowly built up interest to the point that an ex is once again curious about you.