Many of you have asked me “Should I ask my ex ….” (this or that).
Yes… you can ask your ex for anything. Ask for more contact. Ask for more time together. Ask for a date. Ask to get back together.
How-ever, asking is one thing, getting what you are asking for is another.
Just because you ask, doesn’t mean you will get what you are asking for.
The secret to getting what you are asking for is, before you ask, make sure you have created the right emotional environment for what you are asking for.
The worst thing you can do to your chances of getting back together is ask for more time together, a date or to get back together when your ex is still feeling hurt, angry, distant, suspicious of your intentions or actions, etc.
Chances are you will not get what you are asking for, not because your ex doesn’t want more contact, to go out with you or get back together, but because he/she feels that there is not enough “connection” there for whatever you are asking for.
And if you push, you risk coming across as needy. You will be thought of as “needy”, not because you asked, but because you are asking for what your ex is unwilling or unable to give to you.
To get more frequent or regular contact, more time together, a date etc., you have to create a favourable emotional environment in which to ask for what you want.
The kind of emotional environment conducive for asking and getting what you want is warm, nurturing and relaxed.
If your relationship doesn’t yet have that kind of emotional environment, asking for anything is not only scary, it can be a big risk. Best case scenario, your ex will think you are being unreasonable. Worst case scenario, you will push him/her even further away.
So make sure, before you ask, that you have done enough to create the emotional environment conducive for you to ask whatever it is you want to ask for — and get it.
The “right” emotional environment is different for every relationship. If you are interested in finding out more, enter “emotional connection” or “emotional bonding” in the blog search box above and you will get some ideas as to what you need to be doing to build up the feelings of connection that create the “right” emotional environment for asking for more contact, more time together, a date or to get back together.