You have my permission to curse me out because what I’m about to say is inconceivable. I’m even ashamed of myself for writing it, but it’s been nagging at me for weeks and today saying the same thing to three clients in a row was the sign I needed to tell me this article is necessary.
First all, everyone should be “physically distancing”. I don’t like the word “social” distancing but I appreciate the intentions behind it. Everyone, or at least my fellow Canadians and Ontarions should be staying at home. If not for our own well-being at least for the well-being of those who need us to act responsibility so that they have a shot at beating this beast!
Now that I have done my civic duty and absolved myself of what I am about to say.
Not all storms have rainbows but if you look hard, there is a rainbow in the Covid-19 storm. The rainbow is that it’s literally forcing many men and women trying to attract back their ex to “slow” down.
The urge to move things faster and get to the end is so strong especially in someone with an anxious-attachment style. Because this process is often very slow, one step forward, two steps back, and because of the uncertainty that comes with it, the anxiety keeps building up until one gets to a point where you are like, “what have I got to lose?”
A lot actually… like losing your ex for good because you gave in to your anxiety, fear and worry.
Now add the anxiety of Covid-19 to the mix and it’s a cyclone up there in the head, you know what I mean.
I may not be able to shut up the “terrorist in your head”, but I can offer you the rainbow in the storm.
1. Change the way you think about it
Not going to lie. Not being able to see your ex and go out on dates is affecting your chances of getting back together. Being able to see each other in person and spending time together in the same physical space although not something I recommend in the first few weeks of trying to get back together significantly improves your chances. It’s just a fact.
The only reason I do not encourage it in the first few weeks or even months is that, from experience spending so much time with an ex does 3 things.
- It tends to trigger and bring up painful feelings, emotions and memories before you’ve had time to change how your ex feels about you and/or create better memories.
- Many people who spend a lot of time together in the initial stages of trying to get back together more often than not fall back into the old relationship. They start of wanting a new and better relationship but end up in the old relationship because old habits die hard.
- If there are no painful feelings, emotions and memories to rehash, and it looks like you are indeed starting over, spending a lot of time together in the initial stages gives the impression that you are far along the process than you really are. You think you’ve made so much progress and then one day… it all comes apart. Your ex feels they need a little bit more space, more time, or even less contact because things are moving too fast for them.
This is the reality of spending too much time with an ex early in the process. Of course, there are exceptions where it fast forwards things, but those are exceptions. Relationships take time to build, even one with an ex.
Instead of getting all frustrated because the “lockdown” is hurting your chances of getting back together, look at it as it’s stopping you from moving too fast and messing up your chances.
This small shift in your thinking will calm the anxiety a little bit.
2. Build emotionally momentum
When all you are thinking about is how to get your ex to see you, go out on a date or have sex with you, it’s sometimes easy to forget that being able to emotionally connect is just as important as going out on dates, if not more important in attracting back an ex.
Think of this time in lockdown as an opportunity for you to practice emotionally connecting, if you are new to it and to strengthen your emotional bond and emotional momentum if you already are emotionally connecting.
When you finally see each other face-to-face, the time you invested building emotional momentum will pay off.
If you are thinking, “where do I even start?”, don’t think anymore. You are on the right site for emotionally connecting, strengthen your emotional bond and building emotional momentum. Just type those keywords in the search tool, read the articles (you have all the time), and put the advice into practice.
3. Become more creative
If you want to start over in a new relationship with your ex, you can’t just ride on the back of old feelings and old memories. That’s just lazy. You can only say “remember when we…” or “it reminded me of you…” so many times, after a while you start sounding like someone who hasn’t yet accepted the break-up and/or doesn’t have anything interesting to say.
So again, instead of getting all frustrated because Covid-19 is keeping you away from your ex, use this to create new feelings and new memories. Yes, you can’t be spend time together as you would have liked to, but you can still spend time together while separately staying at home or in quarantine.
- Ask your ex to have coffee with you while you video chat.
- Take walks together while chatting on your phones. Show them what you see and they can show you what they see. That’s what smart phones are for.
- Watch movies, cook etc together. You can even leave your laptops on while you sleep, and also do ‘other stuff’.
Those are just a few of the things you can do to improve your chances while in ‘lockdown”.
Someday you will look back at the memories you created during the covid-19 lockdown and smile. I know this is a terrible thing to say, but I hope I’ll be forgiven because my intentions are good.
As many of you be able to read between the lines, I am trying so hard to be light-hearted about this and I am sure it shows.
So many lives lost and so many loved ones taken away from us. I pray for their sake that we make something good out of this – a more loving and caring world for those they loved and loved them.
Stay safe. Stay strong. Keep loving!