You tried to get back your ex and it didn’t work. So much damage had been inflicted on the relationship that it just could not be saved.
Now you’re thinking of getting out and dating again, how do you know that old battle wounds and scars have been healed enough to let love in?
Since we are all different, there really isn’t a way to know exactly when the right time to begin a new relationship is. What may work for one person, may not work for another. Fortunately, there are a few key indicators that tell you how ready you really are.
1 – Are you living the life you really want?
Many of us use relationships as a way to help fix our issues, no wonder the relationship didn’t work out. What we should have done is sort out our issues first, before we get into t a relationship.
Do you have a purpose for waking up in the morning? Do you have a vision of your place in the world and what you want to contribute to others? Do you feel empowered and passionate about your life? Living the life you want now not only enlivens and energizes you, but also makes you very attractive.
2 – Have you learned something about yourself from every past relationship?
If you haven’t learned anything new about yourself from your past relationships, you will most definitely attract another relationship that will also end almost the same way. So take the time to reflect not only on how much you loved your ex, but also why the relationship didn’t work out and what role you played. This is not about blaming yourself but about understanding how to make sure the past doesn’t not repeat itself. You can’t possibly expect to break negative habits if you’re not aware of them.
3 – Have you narrowed down your specific desires as to what type of person you want to meet?
Each relationship offers us an opportunity to review the list of qualities we look in a mate. Sometimes, what we thought we wanted didn’t even come close to what we really needed. After a long-term relationship it is especially prudent to revise your list of desirable traits. Were there things about your past partner that hindered you from being fully yourself, from becoming the very best person you could possible be? What traits would help you feel the most comfortable with being yourself? What traits would enable you grow into all you are capable of being?
4 – Are you really over your past?
You’re probably thinking don’t you mean past relationship?
No. I mean everything in your past. Many of us get wrapped up in the emotions of a break-up without realizing that sometimes our pain is more than pain of a break-up (see: Why It Still Hurts Months After the Break-Up). Make sure you identify and work through issues in your past that keep messing up with your relationships.
It may even be necessary to talk to a professional. Having someone trained work with you will help you release any painful or negative emotions you didn’t know you had bottled up. Trust me, there are almost always bottled up emotions you’re unaware of. Whoever you talk to, you’ll be glad you did.