Having emotional appeal is an incredibly powerful currency when it comes to dating, but having sex desirability is the deal breaker. Unlike emotional appeal, there are no high or low degrees when it comes to sex appeal, you have it or you don’t.
You can be the nicest sweetest person walking on the land or the most charming charismatic dominant Alpha Male in the whole known universe, and you can even have incredible confidence in other areas of your life but if you are perceived as having no sex appeal, trying to meet the opposite sex and get into a relationship with them is pure torture. Unless of course you are a super model or a millionaire. But even super models and millionaires can be very lonely people because men will be attracted to the super looks, and women to the money and the power that comes with it – hardly the person.
What do men and women look for in sex appeal?
Each person has a criterion for what they see as “sexually desirable”, but overall, there are common characteristics that are primal to us all.
Characteristics such as physical attributes, visual presentation (dress, grooming, health and fitness) and sex-appropriate non verbal behaviour play a role in whether you’ll be found sexually desirable or not. But all these characteristics added up together do not even come close to the role played by how confidently you express and assert yourself as a desirable sexual man or desirable sexual woman. Sexual confidence.
This is not about sexual performance but rather how confident you are as a sexual person whether or not you are engaged in sexual behaviour.
Within a few seconds of meeting you, a man or woman will have decided whether you are sexually desirable or not (quite often sub-consciously). If you are sexually desirable, you will be evaluated positively and filed in the sub-conscious under “want to have sex with.” It’s only after you’ve been “chosen” that a man or woman then goes ahead to find logical and/or emotional reasons to justify why he or she should have sex with you at the time, or later. This is when your emotional significance and intellectual, social, vocational, monetary, etc appeal come into the dynamics.
Those that do not meet the standard of what the person deems as sexually desirable are instantly filed away under “don’t want to have sex with” . If you have the emotional appeal but are deemed as not sexually desirable (“don’t want to have sex with”), you may end up as “just a friend”.
Is sex appeal something one is born with?
Yes. We all are born the ability to express and assert ourselves as sexual beings. It’s how we were raised and what we are programmed with in the early years of development that separates the “haves” from the “have nots”.
Every look we were given, every word we were told, every touch we received, and every reaction we felt about our sexuality is remembered in our subconscious minds and in our bodies. These first experiences stay with us throughout our lives, or until we make a conscious effort to change what we believe, what we feel, how we react and how we express our sexual selves.
Many of us will never possess — or be able to “fake” — certain desirable physical attributes that might render us instantly sexually desirable, but all of us can embody a self-assured, relaxed sexual state that makes a man or woman’s libido sit up and howl.
Upkeep and maintenance are just as important as first impression – you can easily lose your sex appeal overnight.