I’ve written many articles explaining why fearing or avoiding contact, and/or trying to connect with your ex using manipulation, mind games or dirty tricks not only affects your relationship with your ex, but also affects you as a person — your ability to connect with someone you love in a healthy, beautiful and magical expression of love.
You think you are avoiding scaring your ex away, but what you may not realize is that the very act of “avoiding scaring your ex away” is hurting your ability to connect in a healthy and constructive way. By avoiding connection, you never learn to self-regulate or trust yourself to know when you are doing too much or too little contact, or when you’ve gone too far or acted too soon.
Self-regulation for you is “No Contact Rule” “Low Contact” or any other method that suppresses your need for connection.
That only works for a while because you can’t completely avoid connection and try to get back your ex at the same time. Sooner or later, you will want to connect with your ex, but since you do not have the skills to do so in a healthy way and have avoided learning how to, you find yourself in the same exact place of craving connection in an unhealthy and trying to establish it in a damaging way.
You get caught up in this loop of fearing connection or avoiding scaring your ex away and trying to establish connection only to scare your ex away.
You end up not getting back your ex not because your ex stopped loving you, but because you are so afraid of coming across as “needy and clingy” that you’ve completely lost the ability to connect.
If this describes you, I recommend seeking professional help to understand why when you try to connect you end up doing too much or too little contact. Like learning any skill it takes a while before you can see any significant results.
In the mean time, while you work on yourself, you can use the tips in my article: 4 Steps That’ll Help You Not Be That Needy Ex
I’ve found them not only to be effective but also to work faster is to completely change the way you seek connection, especially with your ex.