How Much Should You Share With Your Ex?

There is only so much that happens in a week that two people who are not in a relationship can share. The need to talk to your ex about things that you don’t need to talk to them about is what neediness is about. In other words, you should not be sharing with your ex everything happening in your life. They are your ex, not your boyfriend/girlfriend (yet).

What you choose to share and what you should not is all up to you. Here are some general guidelines:

Provide all the information which is necessary for the purpose of the current exchange; don’t leave out anything important.

Do share more information than is required. Leave out any unnecessary details that aren’t important to the current exchange.

For example, if your ex asks you, “how was your weekend?”, your expected answer should contain enough information for them to know what you did over the weekend, but no more information than that.
This is generally a reasonable response:

“It was fun. I had friends over. After everyone left, I fell asleep on the couch”.

Conversely, the following response lacks important information.

“It was fun”.

It makes it look like you 1) don’t want to about your weekend, 2) don’t want to talk in general or 3) your weekend wasn’t that fun and you are lying.

On the other hand, the following response contains too much information.

“It was fun. I had friends over, we ordered pizza and John, you know him, you met him at the 2019 Christmas office party, the one who spilled wine on his tuxedo, he brought his new roommate. He is an engineer and works with the government. After dinner, we played some games, then watched TV. At 1 pm, some guests began to leave and Chris and his girlfriend were the last to leave. After everyone left, I fell asleep on the couch…”

If your are vague your will feel like you are withholding information for some reason; if you are over-wordy your ex lose your ex’s attention and/or interest. People in general don’t like having to read extra words when they don’t have to.

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