Question: Yangki, I like that you are not offering the usual one-size fits all N/C advice, but instead asking each couple to choose what’s best for them. My ex is very strong headed and I know for sure that N/C will never work on her. She’s told me repeatedly that if I ever used N/C on her, I should be ready to move on. For the last 4 weeks I’ve kept contact to a minimum, once every 3 -4 days. After reading many of your posts and ebook, I realized that my contacts were mostly superficial, nothing emotionally effective as described in your ebook. I’m now trying to make the contacts more effective. My question is, based on your experience, how long does it take to see a change in my ex’s feelings towards me?
Yangki’s Answer: In my experience, it’s not so much about “how long” you keep in contact but:
1) What one brings to the relationships this time round and;
2) How effectively one communicates a vision of a better relationship.
The sooner an ex can envision a better relationship, the sooner you get back together. That’s assuming that one’s ex still has feelings of love and/or thinks one is potentially “the one”.
Sometimes an ex can want to come back, but if what caused him/her to lose interest or break-up is still an issue, they’ll try to keep in contact for sometime hoping that things will change. If after a certain time he/she does not see things changing or can’t see how the relationship can be better, he/she will give up and move on.
In the ebook, I try to make sure that you are working on both fronts:
1) Bringing something new and better and
2) Effectively communicating a vision of a better relationship.