How Long Does It Take For An Ex To Fall Back In Love?

Question: Yangki, I like that you are not offering the usual one-size fits all no contact advice, but instead asking each couple to choose what’s best for them. My ex and I have kept very minimal contact 3 – 4 days a week for a few months now. Our relationship wasn’t bad, but we were each going through some personal things and didn’t know how to deal with it and be together in the relationship at the same time. There were no hard feelings both ways.

We mostly text message and talk on the phone every now and then but we haven’t seen each other since the breakup. I have a sked once or twice, but she said she wasn’t ready.

After reading many of your posts and eBook, I realized that my contacts were mostly superficial, nothing emotionally effective as described in your eBook. I’m now trying to make the contacts more effective because I still really love her and want her back.

My question is, based on your experience, how long does it take to see a change in my ex’s feelings towards me?

Yangki’s Answer: How long it takes for an ex to fall back in love depends on each ex and each relationship. It can take weeks, months or years in some cases.

In my experience, it’s not so much about “how long” it’s been since the break-up or how long you have been in touch that brings back the feelings of love. Open lines of communication, frequency and consistency of contact helps, but it has to be accompanied with:

1) Emotional connection and sense that you are on the same page emotionally

2) Sense of fun, and interesting and uplifting interactions

3) Willingness to change or do the self-work, and what one brings to the relationships this time round

4) Effectively communicating what has changed and what your ex can expect in a better relationship

It’s best to try to do all the four together, if you can, however, you may have to prioritize  some over others depending on who your ex is, what kind of relationship you had, and why you broke up. For example, if you broke up because your ex was bored with the relationship or you had stopped paying attention to her need to go out and have fun, a sense of fun, and interesting and uplifting interactions will have more impact. If your ex is into self-work and self-development, or if they asked you to change before and during the break-up, talking about the work you are doing to become a better version of yourself will have more impact.

The most important thing is that they can see themselves happier and more fulfilled than they were in the old relationship. Sometimes an ex can want to come back, but if what caused them to lose interest or break-up is still an issue, they’ll try to keep in contact for some time hoping that things will change. If after a certain time they do not see things changing or can’t see how the relationship can be better, the contact will stop.

So take advantage of the fact that she still wants to talk to you to make her fall back in love.

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