In today’s culture, and especially in these hard economic times, many of us are paying more attention to our bank accounts than we’re paying to our love accounts. We all know love is something we need, something we’re all continually looking for; and yet when it comes to this basic human need, it’s assumed that it comes to us without any work on our part; no love accounts, no deposits, no savings, no investment.
How are you managing your love account?
1) No love account
Basically your thought process is that of “people are too complicated” and “love is for losers”. You keep to yourself even when you feel very lonely and alone.
Why even bother? It’s just too much hard work. Why take the risk? There is just too much pain.
You clearly long for love from others but yet act as if giving love or returning an act of love is taking something away from you. Sad, lonely life!
2) Living on love credit
You’re living with the appearance of having love, but deep inside you struggle with a store of angry, hurt, resentful and all kinds of emotions linked to your unresolved issues. Every word, every action of love is an effort and a pain from not having the guts to be real with yourself and with others.
You know you’re paying dearly for being afraid to say how you feel or ask for what you really want, but you’re so deep in love-debt that you are unable to show up in your relationships or get out of your own way. A consequence of this is that you’ve developed a very distorted image of human beings: people are out to get you or are out for themselves.
3) Buying toxic love assets
You have a pattern of seeking out and attracting people who take and take from you until your love account is completely empty. Even then you still keep trying to draw love from an empty love account hoping that at some point you’ll be able to “turn things around”. You think that your undying martyr-like devotion will make others love you and become permanently devoted to you once you’ve made them see just how much worthy of love you are.
Unfortunately for you, people usually do not love and become devoted because you made them love you. In fact when people feel that you’re trying too hard, they feel trapped, manipulated and want distance from you.
The saddest part of buying toxic love assets is that you’re working too hard, but not depositing anything in your love account. You are not saving and not investing. You’re always left feeling unloved and unlovable, and sick and tired of being sick and tired. You have nothing left in your love account — not even for yourself when you most need it.
4) More love withdrawals than deposits
You’re in a relationship that is fairly fulfilling in every way, but every now and then something happens that makes you want to close that account and open another one or even go and find another “bank”.
Because your love is conditional on them loving you back, you’re afraid that that you may be loving more than you are being loved. But the more you hold back on giving love the less love you get.
What’s going on is that your internal love calculator (which we all naturally have) is either faulty or broken and that’s why however calculating you are, the books just aren’t balancing.
Love Lesson: Paying attention to your love account is about continuously finding that delicate balance where you’re truly loving but also letting yourself be truly loved. It’s in this place of delicate balance that you find growth, healing and fulfillment. But it all starts with you. You can only give what is in your love account.