Should I ask in a text? Should I call? What do I say? What if he/she says ‘no”, what do I say/do next? How many days should I wait before I try again?
These are some of the questions I get in many of your comments. I have answered many of them (and more) in detail in my book Dating Your Ex, and a couple of articles (and respective comments) on here.
There is a lot of anxiety around asking an ex out on a date, and understandably so. When someone breaks up with you (or you break-up with them), the rules of engagement change. What was okay to say or do before is not okay any more.
When you were together, you would simply text or call, and ask your ex out. If they said, ‘no”, you wouldn’t take it as rejection because 1) you have a relationship and 2) you are 100 certain that there will be a next time. Not so when you are trying to get your ex back. Rejection is personal.
It shouldn’t be though.
In the initial stages of trying to get back your ex, at least up to a point where you are talking about possibly getting back together, your ex is just another date. Someone you want to get to know, and hopefully have a relationship with.
Asking them out on a date is like inviting a friend for a walk, to the movies, to go watch a game, or shopping. You know that it is something that would be fun for both of you, but you also know that it’s just an invitation. He or she has the option of accepting or declining the gift of your presence. Just like any other gift, you hope that it will contribute to his or her happiness, but you are not responsible for that happiness.
When you approach it from openness and if you are more focused on their happiness rather than your agenda, it’s hard to take their reluctance to go out with you personally.
You were just asking because you thought it’d be fun for them. They don’t think so. Life goes on!