How Do I Stop Being So Negative That I Push People Away?

Question: I am one of those people who exert negativity, misery, low self esteem, etc. I attract a lot of men because of the way I look, but Ive been told and know they soon lose interest because there is no life or positivity behind my exterior. I had a tough childhood that contributed a lot to my low self esteem and motivation in life. I can exactly pinpoint and reflect on myself and I do this often, Im very self aware, very self conscoius, which also works against me than for me because my head is always in the cloud. So my question is…how can I become more positive, loving, easy going?

Ive always been consider too negative, self righteous, stubborn, and uptight (which I inherited/learned from a parent). I do consider myself difficult to love or even be around.

Yangki’s Answer: For a negative, self righteous, stubborn, and uptight person, you are also refreshingly honest. That’s a positive, vulnerable and open attribute right there.

I wish I could be of more help here, but I am more of a relationship coach than a personal development coach.

There are much deeper issues going on with you that questions on blogs do not really help resolve. Not knowing your particular childhood experience, I or other readers can give you our advice to do this or do that but that’s only dealing with the symptoms and not the cause.

You need to work with a professional — preferably someone in your hometown — with whom you can have full disclosure about your childhood. He or she can then help you let go the coping mechanisms which may have been useful in your childhood but are obviously not helping you as an adult, and also help you learn healthy ways of relating to the people in your environment.

They say when you know better you can do better. I think it’s lame to still be blaming this on your parent’s door. Your parent did what he/she knew best (at the time), but you’ve been an adult for a while, that’s enough time to take responsibility for how you are — and for your own happiness.

Taking responsibility for how you are, in my opinion is the first step to self-actualization.

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