Question: Yangki, my question is different. I have decided not to try to get my ex back. I am trying to move on but I keep thinking about my ex. How do I get rid of these thoughts?
Yangki’s Answer: Some thoughts of our ex will naturally fade away with time, but some thoughts will remain with us for a lifetime. Simply accepting that some of these thoughts will likely remain with you for a long time stops the struggle with thoughts of your ex. It’s like when you have differing opinions about where to go out for dinner and a heated argument ensues, and finally you says, “You know what, let’s go where you want to go”. Just like that, there is nothing to argue about anymore.
The restaurant you are not going to may not be where you wanted to go, but if giving up resistance will end the argument, then it’s worth it. Similarly, accepting that the thoughts of your are there and will likely be there for a while does not mean you are happy that they are there or want them to be there, it’s simply recognizing that trying to stop the thoughts only makes them more persistent, crazier and more painful.
I address this in more detail in my upcoming book (February 2017) on dealing with the emotions of a break-up and how to bounce back better and emotionally stronger.