Question: I feel pressure from my ex to get back together and don’t know how to respond. She wants to get back together but I want to take things slow.
We recently started talking again. I wanted us to keep in contact, but she wanted no contact for 6 weeks. I tried to reach out, but she ignored my 2 texts and 1 email telling her how I felt about her and that I’m working on me. After 4 weeks she reached out. We text every other day, but she will only agree to meet you in person if we’re getting back together.
I still love her and want her back, but frankly her ignored had an effect on how I feel about her. Now that she’s keeping the pressure on me to get back together, it’s turning me off. I told her I feel pressured, but she says “there is no pressure”; she just does not want to waste her time. Any advice, please on how to respond to my ex’s pressure?
Yangki’s Answer: Anytime anyone says, “no pressure to say ‘yes'”, “no pressure to respond”, “no pressure to get back together”, that’s already pressure.
Her saying “there is no pressure” while giving conditions on meeting you in person is manipulative. Don’t give in to the pressure.
People who say they’ll only talk to you or meet you if you are getting back together:
1) Have not accepted the break-up.
Accepting a break-up is important in the process of getting back together. It’s the closing of one chapter so you can begin a new one. The other person/dumpee doesn’t have to agree with it, they just have to accept that that relationship is over.
2) Have not taken responsibility for their role
They are still blaming you for the break-up and/or feel that they are a “victim” because you broke up with them. Most haven’t even taken the time to think about how things got to where they are now, and how they may have contributed to it.
The chances of things being the same are very high.
3) Are trying to manipulate you into giving them what they want.
This is just a bad sign for the relationship in general.
That said, she obviously still has feelings for you, otherwise she would not be talking about getting back together — and you still have feelings for her.
My advice is to tell her that you want the same thing as she does, and that is get back together. But you do not just want to get back together with the same old problems from the old relationship. You want to do it right this time, slowly build a better relationship through communication and spending time together. You don’t want to go back to the old relationship, you want to start things over and getting back together has to be a gradual process.
If she still insists that you get back together right away, let her go. She’s on a power-trip. You may give in and get back together only for her to break-up with you. It happens a lot with people who feel that they are a “victim” of a break-up. Their egos are so bruised and the only way they can feel good is to get even by making you feel the pain they felt when you broke up with them.