Question: Yangki, I have been following your advice for 2 months and it helped very much, but now im at the stage where things are not moving forward. She initiates texts every other day and we hang out but mostly with other people around. We are never alone, just the two of us. ive told her how i feel and that i want to go out with her on real dates but she says we should take things slow. im okay with that but i also dont want to waste my time if all she wants is just a friend. i don’t want to give up, I just want to spend time alone with her. How to I go about getting her to go on a date with me?
Yangki’s Answer: There are signs that she’s interested, but you’re right she’s sort of stalling. There has to be some interest on her part more than initiating texts and hanging out with friends.
She may be concerned that ‘real dates’ at this point:
1) will speed up things (at least in her mind)
2) may lead to sexual intimacy, or
3) means you are getting back together.
Tell her that you understand that she wants to take things slow and in fact you want the same thing, but your idea of taking it slow is to get to know each other again, and spending time just the two of you makes that possible.
If she’s concerned that it may lead to sex, ask her to suggest places she’s most comfortable being with you alone.
Be creative with how you want to spend time together. A ‘date’ doesn’t have to be “dinner and a movie” or even hours together just an opportunity for the two of you to bond and see what it is like to be with each other again.
In my experience, exes are more likely to agree to hang out with you if it you are trying out something new and interesting.
Bottom line, take it slow, that’s what she wants. Do not push and nag the hell out of her, literally. Be patient and let her come around on her own.